D and A are wonderful as usual. It was so much fun to come home on Thursday and surprise them. My parents had taken them to the splash park to play and have a picnic so we surprised them there. The smile on their faces as they ran to us was so sweet, melt your heart sweet. We let them stay up a little later than normal that night so that they could spend some time with us. D made me this really cute book out of paper bags at school for mother's day. On the front of each page (paper bag) was a saying about what she could do by herself. Inside each bag was something that she needed help with from me. A made me a picture frame with a cut poem on it and a picture of him. They were so excited to give me their presents, once again, precious. They had a blast with my parents, Nana and Pawpaw. D's first question after telling us hi was "Does Nana HAVE to leave tomorrow?" Friday evening we had to drive them to meet their biological parents for their 48 hour visit. We have been doing 48 hour visits for about 6 weeks and had done 24 hour visits for 4 weeks before that. Every time we turn down the road that we meet their parents on A gets really quiet and upset. Sometimes he tells us he doesn't want to go. Friday was one of those days. He wouldn't talk or laugh, so not him, and when we asked if he wanted to go see Mommy and Daddy he whispered "no". When we got out of the car and I got him out of his seat he had tears streaming down his face and he became my little spider monkey. I had to pry him off to hand him to his mom. It breaks my heart that he doesn't want to go there but he has to. D also gets really anxious and nervous when it is time for visits. She says she wants to go but her face and actions say differently. We have tried to explain this to our case worker before as a concern, but she doesn't seem to think anything of it. It worries me that after over 3 months of this they still don't want to go to their visits, something seems not right. D is a smart little girl. She knows if she says that something is happening she won't get to go home and her loyalties are with her biological family. This makes her say things are fine or even going well, but once again her face and actions tell us otherwise. We are working with her on being honest, even when it is hard. She has also come home and told us some things that make us really concerned but when we told her case worker nothing really was done about it. The kids lawyer is trying to help.
I'm sorry if I sound whiny. We knew going into foster care that the goal is reunification. I agree with this goal sometimes, but sometimes it isn't what is best for the children. We will miss D and A terribly when they leave in 2 weeks. However, I'm really worried about them going home. Things don't seem right and I'm afraid they are going to get hurt again. Removing them from their biological parents again when something goes wrong is going to devastate them. I've tried giving them the benefit of the doubt but when an 8 year old comes home saying the things she has said it makes me worried for her.
All we can do is hand them over to God and trust in him. We have 2 weeks left with them. We go back to court to discuss reunification on May 30 and currently they are scheduled to go home on June 1. I plan on enjoying every minute with them over the next two weeks. Their last day of daycare was Friday so that we can spend more time with them. There are zoo trips and afternoons at the pool already planned. We even plan on going to a Rangers game on the last day of school for D.
Please join us in praying for them. Please pray that God will protect them and place them right where they need to be. Please pray for our hearts as we prepare to say goodbye to our other 2 children. Thank you.