Thursday, April 25, 2013

Where I Am

Today I am 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my second baby, Amelia Kathryn. That is 9 days longer than I had with my firstborn, Grant Oliver. I am treasuring every single minute of this pregnancy because I know that it could be over in the blink of an eye. However, I am also proceeding with caution because of past events. I lay awake at night talking to God. Thanking Him for each day I have with her. Praising him for allowing me to be a mommy again. Praying to Him that he would please please protect this little one and allow us to see her grow up. Thanking Him for the time I had with Grant and the things that my little boy has taught me about life, such as treasuring every moment with his little sister. Some days it takes my breath away that I have passed the time that I had with him and that I now have had her longer. Some days I miss him so incredibly much. Like when I'm lying in bed talking to God and she is kicking away. I miss his little kicks, but love feeling hers at the same time. It's such a mixed bag of emotions, pregnancy after a loss. Most days are joyful with anticipation of meeting this little girl who I have a feeling will be long just like her brother. Some moments (not days) are sad when I think of what I missed with him or how I wish I could have experienced this milestone with him.

I'm now pregnant enough that people can definitely tell and are asking me when I am due and if this is my first baby. That question is always so hard for me. If they are a stranger passing me in Target then the answer is usually yes, that she is my first. If I say that she isn't my first then the questions follow as to how old my other children are and how am I supposed to explain that to perfect strangers. However, if I will have the chance of interacting with these people again, the answer is no and I tell them about Grant. Oftentimes this is followed by looks of pity as well as a look on their face of "I should have kept my mouth shut". Oh well, he's my son and I will tell you about him if we are going to be just acquaintances.

Here are some pictures from our recent vacation to Colorado. We went to Pikes Peak one day. Wow, it was cold and so beautiful!


  1. You look just beautiful! You are glowing!


  2. You are gorgeous! Praying for you every day.

  3. Bless your heart. You will be in my prayers (I'm so forgetful, so keep blogging updates and I shall remember).

    Yes, the question of how many kids do you have or is this your first of only child is difficult. My circumstance is completely different than yours, and yet, the same. I've never experienced the loss of a baby (miscarriage, stillbirth, etc.). But I've experience the loss of a child as you have, and so, I can completely sympathize with what you've written. Oh yes, it's so hard to talk about at times. We are coming upon our only child who is with us (how does one phrase that???--only living child, only child, etc.??) being the same age as our other son who passed. Ethan was 7.5 when he passed and our Evan is 7.5, and that's hard. And yet I feel super blessed. But I too, like you, pray and ask God to keep Evan safe and thank Him for the time we had with Ethan, and thank Him for the time we still have with Evan.

    My heart total goes out to you my dear. May the Lord bless you and baby, and keep His Hand of love and grace upon your family!

    (Sorry I mumbled on and on...hope I made sense!)

  4. You look beautiful! Prayers!!!

  5. It is a mixed bag for sure. I was happy as could be until this week and then a sudden paralyzing fear hit me:( Hopefully it will go away as quickly as it appeared. You look adorable!!! Prying for you and Amelia!

  6. You are gorgeous! Praying for you every day.