Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Patience...it is a virtue....

The foster care process is taking us longer than we would have hoped. 40 hours of observation is a lot and with my schedule for the next 2 months it's going to be hard to do. I'm sure we can get some of it done but probably not all of it before Christmas. It makes me sad to think that the kids that God has for us won't be here for Christmas but maybe it's because they aren't ready for our home yet.

New month = new rotation in residency land, which is where I live for the next 240 days :) I am on NICU this month and I hate that place. The NICU makes me incredibly sad.  These babies are born so early or so sick and sometimes both and often don't have very good outcomes. It also makes me sad because there are lots of babies in the NICU because of their mom's decisions while she was pregnant. Smoking Crack is not good for a baby and often times ends in premature birth and very sick children. That is just one example. All I can do is pray that these little ones will stay as healthy as possible and that the amazing doctors that take care of them will do what is best. The doctors and nurses in the NICU are there of their own kind. They are obviously called and designed for the work they do and for that I am grateful.

I've lately had some sad days. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me or feel bad. I tell you this because I want you to understand. I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been there but sometimes it's nice to hear it from the horse's mouth per say. I've been sad because lots of people I know and am fairly close to are pregnant. It's not just that they are pregnant. It's that it seems to have happened overnight and everyone got pregnant within like 3 months of each other without really trying. Sometimes it's hard to stomach that we have tried for over 2 years and still haven't been pregnant and they try 1 month and poof-a baby. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them. All of them will make great parents, and one already is a wonderful mom, it's just I don't always understand the reasoning behind it and it makes me sad. I tell Jonathan all the time that being a Mom is what I want most in this world. I would give up everything to be a mom. I know that all things are in God's timing. I know this, yet sometimes I still long for what I've been dreaming of my whole life. I also know that maybe it's because there are little ones out there that need us as their foster parents first. Who knows what God's plan is but I have to trust that it is perfect. I also know that God doesn't get mad when I get upset because it seems as if everyone around me is getting to be a mom and I'm still in the shadows, waiting my turn. Like the title says: patience is a virtue....I am still learning this very lesson.

That was random, but it's all for now.


ps: the dog in the previous post is still up for adoption, he needs a good home :)

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