Where I Am

Today I am 22 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my second baby, Amelia Kathryn. That is 9 days longer than I had with my firstborn, Grant Oliver. I am treasuring every single minute of this pregnancy because I know that it could be over in the blink of an eye. However, I am also proceeding with caution because of past events. I lay awake at night talking to God. Thanking Him for each day I have with her. Praising him for allowing me to be a mommy again. Praying to Him that he would please please protect this little one and allow us to see her grow up. Thanking Him for the time I had with Grant and the things that my little boy has taught me about life, such as treasuring every moment with his little sister. Some days it takes my breath away that I have passed the time that I had with him and that I now have had her longer. Some days I miss him so incredibly much. Like when I'm lying in bed talking to God and she is kicking away. I miss his little kicks, but love feeling hers at the same time. It's such a mixed bag of emotions, pregnancy after a loss. Most days are joyful with anticipation of meeting this little girl who I have a feeling will be long just like her brother. Some moments (not days) are sad when I think of what I missed with him or how I wish I could have experienced this milestone with him.

I'm now pregnant enough that people can definitely tell and are asking me when I am due and if this is my first baby. That question is always so hard for me. If they are a stranger passing me in Target then the answer is usually yes, that she is my first. If I say that she isn't my first then the questions follow as to how old my other children are and how am I supposed to explain that to perfect strangers. However, if I will have the chance of interacting with these people again, the answer is no and I tell them about Grant. Oftentimes this is followed by looks of pity as well as a look on their face of "I should have kept my mouth shut". Oh well, he's my son and I will tell you about him if we are going to be just acquaintances.

Here are some pictures from our recent vacation to Colorado. We went to Pikes Peak one day. Wow, it was cold and so beautiful!

We Made It!!!

We have made it past our original due date. The anticipation of the day and the days leading up to yesterday were by far worse than yesterday. It was still a bittersweet day as we were traveling on the road for part of it for a mini get away. I thougt a few times that I should be at home taking care of a new baby or anxiously awaiting his arrival. However, that isn't what we are doing and I am choosing to enjoy my weekend away with Jonathan, even with the moments of sadness. 


I have some truly amazing friends. Some of them I haven't "met" in real life but that doesn't matter. These women who really understand where I am and how I feel are a huge blessing to me. Emails, Facebook messages, blog comments, prayers; Thank You!!!!! To know that I am not walking this road alone means more to me than I have words to express. 


Tonight I will be crossing off another major league baseball stadium from my list. We are going to the Kansas City Royals vs Texas Rangers Game. To top it off there are fireworks after the game! I love road trips, baseball and spending time with my husband!!!!! I'm thanking God for the opportunity to spend this weekend away with the man I love and for the chance to be Grant's Mommy. 

5 day Recap...Mini Vacation

We traveled to the DFW area on the 4th to spend some time with family and friends and returned today.

4th:  We made lunch and enjoyed eating and laughing at my sister's house. Yummy homemade flautas, chicken enchiladas, rice, guacamole, queso! Then my sister and brother-in-law, brother and sister-in-law, Jonathan and I all took my brother's boat and went fishing and swimming. We had so much fun hanging out together. We saw some firework shows on our way home.

5th: Jonathan and I went shopping for new shorts for him and new flip flops for me. Our puppy had chewed through 3 pairs of my flip flops and I was seriously sad that I had to wear tennis shoes for 2 days (maybe I have a flip flop addiction) :). We picked my grandmother up for dinner and met my parents, brother and nieces for dinner.

6th: We hung out at my sister's house most of the day and then went to dinner with friends. This is the dinner I was asking for prayers for. Thank you for that! When our friends with the baby boy arrived at first I couldn't even look at him without getting teary eyed. Then we went bowling with them and I made myself hold him. I can't avoid holding babies forever. I love babies. I'm just glad it was dark in the bowling alley so that no one saw the tears falling as I held him the first time. I held him again a little while later and it was much easier the second time. Our friends were so understanding and loving, truly great friends to have.

7th: We went to a casino with my sister and brother-in-law for Jonathan's birthday. We walked away with as much money as we went to play with and had so much fun spending the day together.

8th: We went back to our old church where we saw some more friends, enjoyed lunch with Jonathan's mom and dinner with Jonathan's dad. Jonathan and I played a few rounds of ping-pong and darts at my sister's house and then we all went to bed.

Today we drove home and it is so nice to be back. However, our town is currently on a boil water advisory and water restriction. On Saturday lightning struck the water treatment facility and all business except the hospital were made to close. People were asked to not use water except for cooking/drinking and then to boil the water for 2 minutes prior to use. The power has been restored to the facility but they are still re-filling all of the tanks and the water still has to be boiled before use. I've boiled a few pots of water today for us and the dogs to drink. Thankfully we took showers at my sister's before we left this morning.

Vacation Part 3

Sunday morning we got up REALLY early after going to bed REALLY late and headed to Rhode Island for lunch with one of my other closest friends. It's quite a drive from Philadelphia to Portsmouth, NH with lots of tolls along the way. Sunday also happened to be Mother's Day and was a really hard day for me, made better by my wonderful friends, family and husband. I don't have any pictures from Sunday. Monday morning we slept in, went and ate breakfast and went to North Hampton Beach in Portsmouth, NH. It was cool, cloudy and windy but the beach was beautiful. This is where we chose to spread some of Grant's ashes. We still have some that we plan on putting in an urn to keep. It was very sad but so peaceful at the same time.

The rock where we spread Grant's ashes

Daddy and Grant's Name

 Mommy and Grant's Name

Tuesday we drove to our friends house to spend some time with them and our Godson. We had fun hanging out, eating good food, and we went to the gun range on Wednesday. Brad, Susan and Skylar, we love y'all and are so happy we got to see you. 

Thursday we got up REALLY early and headed to the airport so we could head home. We traveled most of the day but made it home in time to surprise D and A at the park and tuck everyone in to bed.

It was a wonderful trip and I loved the quality time we got to spend together. Some of it was sad, some was happy and some was a little of both, exactly like life for us now. 

Vacation Part 2

Here is the middle part of our vacation. Wednesday we drove from Washington DC to Baltimore, MD. We had been told that the aquarium there was wonderful and since we had tickets to the Orioles/Rangers game that night we decided we could spend the day there. First we went to eat at a cafe called the Blue Moon Cafe. YUMMY! Seriously some of the best food I've ever had. We will be going back and next time I'm going to make Jonathan try the Captain Crunch French Toast (since I don't like french toast). We spent the afternoon at the aquarium and people were right, it is an amazing aquarium. We had some time to kill afterwards though so we went and saw a movie and then headed to the baseball game. Of course it had to start raining as we were walking into the stadium. We sat at the game for over an hour watching the rain fall until they called the game and rescheduled for the next afternoon. Woohoo, double header tickets. While we were waiting for them to call the game we met some really great people from Lubbock, TX and we ended up sitting with them on Thursday.

Thursday morning we got up and went to the Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, WWII memorial, and the White House. Everything is under construction so we will have to go back when it is done. Then we headed back to Baltimore for a double header. The Rangers lost the first game but won the second. We had a blast! 

Friday was spent at the National Zoo where we saw Panda Bears and we ate dinner with one of my best friends ever Kimberly! FYI all the stuff in Washington DC (Zoo, Museums, Monuments) are free!

Saturday we drove to Philadelphia where we enjoyed a Cheesesteak and headed to the Phillies game for the last game of our trip. 

The final installment is coming soon :)

Vacation Part 1

Here is the beginning of our vacation posts. I don't really know how many posts it's going to take to do this. I'll try to make it short and sweet since no one probably wants to know every detail of our vacation. Jonathan and I had planned this vacation originally for right after D and A were supposed to go home and before I was too pregnant to travel comfortably. Well, D and A were still here and I wasn't pregnant anymore, but we decided to go on vacation anyway. We actually extended our vacation by 5 days so that we could travel to New Hampshire to spread Grant's ashes. Thank you to my brother-in-laws parents Marilu and Dan for the plane tickets on the way home! Thank you to the Shoemaker family for the hotel for the first half of our trip! 

We went to Washington DC for the first part of our trip, simply because we had never been and always wanted to go. Jonathan and I are nerds :) We love zoos, aquariums, museums, etc. If you love these things too then Washington DC is a must! The weather there was beautiful for the most part. It is odd to me to need a jacket in the middle of May. That's ok though, it made for comfortable walking during the day, and boy did we do some walking. We left on Sunday May 6th and arrived that afternoon. That night we went to the Washington Nationals vs Philadelphia Phillies baseball game! One of my very best friends who lives in DC right now met us at the game. 

Monday we went to Arlington National Cemetery. We will have to go back there, that place is huge and so beautiful. I didn't know that President Kennedy had 2 children die as infants. They are buried next to him and his wife there. It was really hard for me at that moment. We were looking at their graves and the Kennedy memorial there and another man and woman walked up. The woman looked to be about 5 or 6 months pregnant and I started crying and had to walk away. For some reason I felt really close to Grant while we were there. That afternoon we went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum at the Udvar-Hazy Center....AMAZING! This is where they filmed part of Transformers: Revenge of  the Fallen and is also where the Space shuttle Discovery is! There were so many airplanes, helicopters, missiles, rockets, it was awesome! Definitely something you should do if you go to DC. 

Tuesday we went to the Smithsonian American Indian Museum, the National Archives Building and the Smithsonian Art Galleries. We don't' have pictures from the Archives building, you aren't allowed to take pictures of the Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, or the Constitution. It was amazing to see such important documents. 

Waiting in line outside the Archives Building

A VW Bug covered in beads

That's it for part 1! Will do part 2 later!