2 years...Happy Birthday Grant Oliver

2 years have passed since I've held you in my arms. I think of you every day and miss you always. We had a party to celebrate Grant this year and it was so much fun. So many of our friends came and my sister even drove down from Dallas to be here. I decided that we should make tiny hats to donate to local hospitals so that other families would know that their baby is special and loved. We made over 200 hats that day. Our small group at church got us a card and donated money to MEND in Grant's memory. So sweet. I loved being able to celebrate his life with everyone. I had to work on Grant's actual birthday. I was a little bummed about it. However, at work that day someone I work with came up to me and asked to talk to me later. When I was done seeing patients she came down and met me in my office and proceeded to tell me that she lost a baby earlier this year. They received one of the diapers we had donated to our local hospital and she said how much it meant to her. It was amazing hearing about this on Grant's birthday!

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven baby boy. I can't wait to see you again.

Just Over A Year Ago

It's been just over a year since our big ultrasound with Grant. The day that we learned of his diagnosis and that we would never be bringing him home with us. That day, March 8 of 2012, is burned in my mind. I can still see the doctor's face. I can still feel my heart being ripped in two. It rained that day. It just so happened that it rained on this March 8th as well. It seemed so fitting that it was raining and cold once again, just like that day last year. We have come so far in a year. I think of him every day but I don't cry for him every day anymore. His first birthday is rapidly approaching and thinking of it sometimes makes me smile and sometimes makes me wince.

Grant's life has changed so many people, including us, for the better. He has impacted so many families. I am so thankful that his short life has such an amazing purpose and that God is continuing to show His plan for my son and us. We donated diapers, hats, blankets and some sleepers to a local hospital in September. It was supposed to be enough supplies to meet their needs for a year. However, I received a very touching email from the bereavement director there yesterday that says they are almost out of our gifts. She included how touched families have been to receive these gifts that we made especially for them. We will be delivering more supplies to them soon. I am also trying to make a donation to my hospital here by Grant's first birthday but finding time to sew lately has been interesting. Hopefully I will be able to complete everything I want before March 23rd.

Micro-Preemie/Preemie Gown and Sleeper Tutorial

This tutorial is mainly for bereavement purposes. I don't think these would work well in the NICU because they wouldn't allow for all of the wires, IV's, etc. I'm sure they could be modified for that purpose but my purpose was so that these sweet babies who die too soon would have something to wear. No parent should have to be sad because their baby is too small for clothes and therefore will go naked.

We will start with the Gown tutorial first. Some of the steps for the gown and sleeper are the same. If you want the pattern please see this website Teeny Tears. They will be uploaded there in the near future. A soft knit fabric works best for the gown, hat and sleeper.

Gown Instructions

1. Cut out 1 front piece, 2 back pieces and 2 sleeves from your fabric.

2. With right sides together sew center back seam up to wear the facing begins.

3. With right sides together sew sleeves to front and back pieces at the four shoulder seams.

4. Hem or add ribbing to the neck line. (I recommend adding ribbing because they are so tiny, making hemming difficult. You can make your own out of the same fabric by cutting a 1 1/2 inch wide strip of fabric. Fold each side in 1/4 inch and then fold in half. Place neck edge into the fold of the strip and topstitch down.) Fold the facings in while hemming or ribbing.

5. Hem sleeves.

6. With right sides together sew underarm/side seams. Clip at pivot. On one side leave a small 1/2 inch opening in the side seam about 1 1/2 inches from the bottom of the gown. (This is where the ribbon will go later)

Example of opening left for the ribbon.

Sew side seams where pins are.

7. Fold facings under and apply velcro closures. You could use snaps or buttons also but velcro seems to work well.
Note: When applying velcro make sure the "rough" side of the velcro is facing out away from the body. These babies have skin that is very fragile and we don't want anything "scratchy" touching them.

I use a wide zig zag stitch to attach the velcro.

8. Sew a 1 inch bottom hem. Thread the ribbon through using a safety pin and tie to gather the bottom of the gown.

Sorry the pictures are sideways. I couldn't get them to rotate.

Sleeper Instructions

1. Cut out 2 back pieces, 2 front pieces and 2 sleeves.

2. Sew center back and center front crotch with right sides together. Leave opening open (where facings start).

For center back sew from neck line and stop where the upslope stops.

For center front all you sew is where the curve is in the crotch area.

3. Sew sleeves to the front and back pieces at 4 shoulder seams with right sides together. 

4. Hem or add ribbing to the neck. (see the note above about ribbing) Fold the front facings in as you are hemming or adding ribbing.

5. Hem sleeves. 

6. With right sides together sew underarm, side seam, inseam, side seam and underarm. Clip at curves. Turn right side out. While sewing these seams fold up the back of the foot at the fold to line to create the heel. Pin in place and sew side seams to secure. 

7. Apply velcro closure to the facings. You could use buttons or snaps also but the velcro seems to work well. See Note above for tip on applying velcro.

Added Disclaimer: The patterns that will be posted on the Teeny Tears websites I designed by looking at and then altering common sleeper/gown patterns. The facing on most of the patterns I could find is perfect for a full size baby but when you make them smaller and smaller it became almost non-existent, therefore I made it larger on my patterns. I tried to make the opening large enough that dressing these tiny little ones would be feasible but that the clothes would still look like traditional baby clothes. The gown is probably easier to put on a tiny baby and could even be altered to where the facing extends to the bottom of the gown on the back with velcro closures all the way down (instead of a seam part way down with opening only half way) so that there is no pulling it over their legs or head. I purposefully placed the gown closure in the back to allow it to look more like traditional baby clothing.

Favorite Charities/Non-profits

Once again I'm linking up to Kelly's Korner for her Friday Show Us Your Life Day. Today is favorite charities/non-profits. I have a few that are my favorites, so I shall share more than one :)

1. Teeny Tears- this organization is not yet a non-profit but Boy oh Boy are they wonderful! I LOVE this group of women across the country and even extending into other countries! They provide free patterns to sew tiny (I'm talking itty bitty) diapers to be donated to hospitals for the tinniest babies to wear when they are stillborn or die shortly after birth. It allows these little ones to be clothed in something made just for them. Each family is given 2 diapers. One for the baby to wear and one for the family to keep. They also have tutorials on how to make the diapers and other ways to help out if you can't sew!

Diapers I made for a Teeny Tears Donation

A whole stack of diapers ready to be donated.

2. Threads of Love- this organization is a non-profit and they do something similar to Teeny Tears. They provide clothes (such as burial gowns and clothes for NICU babies) as well as hats and blankets to hospitals for bereavement needs as well as NICU needs. I work with my local chapter providing bereavement items of hats, blankets and of course Teeny Tears diapers.

Hats, Blankets and Diapers to be donated. 

A selection of some of the hats, blankets and diapers. 

3. Raindrop Memories- this organization is working to become a Non-profit and has been started by my wonderful friend Elizabeth. Her son passed away at 19 weeks only 2 weeks before my son did and they were due only a few days apart. The goal of Raindrop Memories is to provide items to hospitals for the parents who have lost a child to pregnancy loss. They would like to include books, mementos, blankets, clothes, and Teeny Tears diapers to help soothe a parents hurting soul during this most difficult time.

4. Molly Bears- This non-profit organization provides bears to bereaved families that weight the exact weight of the infant that has died. They provide these bears free of charge to each family that requests one. Each bear is made with that specific child in mind and includes things that the family says reminds them of their baby.

As you can tell most of my organizations are associated with baby loss. I can't help it. Now that I am a member of that "club" it's something that is near and dear to my heart. I love these groups and what they do for hurting families.

Sewing Day Success

My first sewing day was a success in my eyes. I was super nervous that it wouldn't turn out the way I had planned or hoped but I think all went well. We had about 15 people there helping. There were a few more that wanted to come but couldn't and a few that couldn't be there but brought fabric for us to use. I had cut out some diapers and hats (with the help of my mom and sister) so that people could get started on sewing. I hadn't had time to get some to the turning stage or to the top stitching stage and I think that next time I will have to work on that to help get more finished product out of the day. All in all it was a great day. We ended up with about 30 completed diapers and about 100 that are ready to be flipped and top stitched. We also have about 30 completed hats. I met some wonderful ladies who love to sew that were happy to take home some things to complete and bring back to me. I even met a lady who recently moved here and is going to get some of her friends to help who live out of town. I was able to share my passion with others and watch them truly "get it". My little sister took some pictures of the day that I will have to share with you when I get them. I shared with these women that my goal is to diaper every baby bum from Waco to Round Rock and they are willing to help me accomplish my goal.

I even had a helper that is a new friend brought to me by God. Here is our story. A few weeks ago a woman contacted me through email, we will call her E. She sent me an email explaining that she had been reading my blog for a few months. She found it by reading a blog that led her to a blog that led her to my blog. She was reading these blogs because, unfortunately she too knew the pain of losing a baby. Her son C was stillborn at 21 weeks in January. See, she had been reading my blog all this time and had never said anything to me until now. I was seriously giddy as I was reading her email explaining this. Then she gets to the part where she saw my blog post about my sewing day. This is what prompted her to contact me. I don't usually post about where I live for safety purposes but when advertising the sewing day I had to put where it would be held. She saw that it was in the same area that she lives in. She lives about 2 miles from me! What?! Now as I was reading the email I was seriously giddy. How God works amazes me. She was asking if she can come to the sewing day and of course I say yes. I also ask her if she would like to meet for lunch. We met for lunch that same week. She was so so sweet and her little girl is beautiful. She is also expecting her rainbow baby. During lunch we were talking about Grant and C. We were sharing their stories. It is so nice to have someone who truly understands you. We talked about our experience in the hospital and how these items are going to bless other families. She mentioned that she had an amazing nurse. I mention that so did I. I ask who her nurse was. She tells me S. What?! That was my nurse and she was fabulous, a Godsend. We then find out that we had the same Ob/Gyn and the same specialist do our ultrasounds. Our hospital is a big place with lots of doctors and nurses. This can only be orchestrated by God. We lived a few miles from each other and shared the same people in our life. We had probably crossed paths countless times. We also found out that she lives in the same neighborhood as one of our best friends. Our friend that my husband was a nanny for, only 1 street over, what are the odds. The odds are not that. God doesn't care about odds. It amazes me that my little boy brought me a new friend who only lives a few miles away all because our God cares about us. Today we found out that E's husband J has been mowing the yard next to our friends (that my husband still mows despite that they moved) because the house next door is vacant and the yard is overgrown. Seriously?!

So now we have new friends that God brought in our lives because of our boys Grant and C. Perfect!

Teeny Tears Donation 1&2

Today my sweet sweet hubby and I traveled to Waco to make our second (but first in person) Teeny Tears donation. We enjoyed a lunch out and then went on to Providence Hospital to donate diapers, hats and blankets to their Labor and Delivery and NICU units. Earlier this month we shipped 40 diapers to Houston to a Threads of Love chapter there. Today we delivered 60 diapers, 60 hats, 60 blankets and about 5 sleeper/hat combos.

I have thoroughly enjoyed sewing these over the last few months. It has been so therapeutic to sew things knowing that they will bless another family during their darkest moments. I know how much something so small can mean to these families. The nice lady I met with at the hospital today has worked very hard to get our donation along with a donation of memory boxes from Luke Lives On. She was so excited to receive these and as a mommy who has lost a baby herself she really "got" it.
Here are some pictures of the finished product!

I can't wait until Saturday when we have our sewing day. Hopefully we will be able to supply two more local hospitals in the near future and expand to a few more soon! 

First Sewing Day is Planned!!!!

As most of you are aware I have been working to donate items to local Labor and Delivery units as well as NICUs for babies that are stillborn or die shortly after birth. The items that will be donated are for babies that are too tiny to wear traditional or even preemie clothes. Commercial diapers don't come this small. Having something that is made special for your baby when you are going through something no parent should ever have to experience is incredibly touching and heartwarming. It brings a smile to your face and heart in the worst and darkest moments of your life. Then to know that someone took the time to make two of them so that you could keep one and your baby didn't have to go without, well that's just icing on the cake.

I am super excited to announce that our first sewing day is planned for September 22. I can't wait to get together with other people to work on this project that is so dear to my heart. We will be making Teeny Tears Diapers, blankets, and hats that day. Here is a picture of an example of the items that will be made. Each family gets two identical items of each. One for the baby and one for the family to keep. 

All levels of ability are welcome. There is something that everyone can do. We need people to trace and cut out patterns, iron fabric, trim and flip diapers, pin diapers when they are done, bundle items together, sew, etc. If you have a sewing machine please bring it. Please also bring scissors to cut fabric, scissors to cut paper, size 2 safety pins, ribbon (like for wrapping presents), gallon size baggies, white thread, and fabric. The diapers are made out of flannel, the hats out of jersey knit and the blankets are made out of cotton on the front and minky flannel on the back. Please let me know if you are planning on attending. 1 yard of flannel fabric can make about 8 large and 6 small diapers. That will help 7 grieving families. The cotton and minky fabric can make multiple blankets depending on the size. The blankets are 10"x10", 12"x12", 15"x15" and 20"x20". These size blankets will fit a baby from about 14 weeks to about 30 weeks gestation. Since the hats are super tiny and take almost no fabric a yard of jersey knit will make quite a few. I've never actually counted how many I can make out of a yard. 

Here are the details for the first sewing event!

When: September 22, 2012 

Time: 1pm-4pm, come and stay as long or as short as you can, all help is appreciated

Where: First Baptist Church, Belton, TX Room 124

Who: All people are welcome. Children can even help pair items together and place in baggies. 

Please let me know if you plan on attending. If you can't come that is ok. Please keep us in your prayers as we plan and orchestrate this event. If you would like to donate materials or monetary funds we would appreciate that as well. 

I'm EXCITED!

A Busy Day And A Busy Weekend Ahead

I have a great deal of sewing to do in the next few days/week. My donations have been accepted into a local hospital and are pending in 2 more local hospitals. I can't wait to personally deliver the first donation. I spoke to the bereavement coordinator and she was so sweet and so thankful. I truly hope that families are blessed and a small piece of their pain is soothed with our gifts. As Jonathan and I were buying what seemed like reams of fabric today a lady next to us at the cutting counter asked what all the baby fabric was for. I showed her a diaper, hat and blanket and explained what they were for. She ooohed and ahhhed over them and then asked me for a business card. Me, a business card, haha. So instead I wrote down my name and email address for her. She owns a crafting business and is willing to donate fabric and possibly already made items. The lady cutting our fabric overheard the conversation and came to find us while we were looking at scissors to tell us how to get some of the fabric for cheaper. Blessings from God for sure. If anyone who reads this blog is interested in donated made items, fabric, money for fabric and stuff please e-mail me and I will be happy to tell you how you can help (kristybybee(at)mac(dot)com). If you can't help I understand but please be praying for this endeavor. I am in the process of setting up a sewing weekend to gather the troops for free labor :)

I'm looking forward to my busy weekend ahead. My parents are coming into town on Friday evening. My mom will be helping me to paint the trim and doors and hopefully finish off the painting and re-hanging of pictures. Saturday afternoon we will also see D and A for the first time since June 1. We talked to D on the phone yesterday and she is so excited to see us. A is still a little confused but that is ok. I can't wait to see their faces and hug them tightly. I'm so glad that their mom recognizes how much they mean to us and how much we mean to them and is willing to allow us to continue our relationship.

One Month To Go

One month from tomorrow is Grant's due date. I would be almost 36 weeks pregnant this week. I can imagine that I would finally be relaxing about having him anytime. I know too much about premature babies. Most moms anxiously await 23-24 weeks, I know I would have anxiously awaited at least 28 weeks and by 36 weeks would be breathing a big sigh of relief. I have a feeling that I would be nesting like crazy, washing all the new clothes we would have gotten at the baby showers, etc. Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about the what would have beens, but it is so hard. This is so very hard. I miss him every single day.

Today I went to sunday school. It is so hard to go there. I know that it is where I need to be each Sunday and that we have support there but it is still hard and honestly I can't make myself go every week. We are in a class full of people around the same age as us, in the same stage of life. This means most of them have children. There are so many women pregnant or who have just had babies in our class. There are baby showers and diaper dumps being announced each week. Each week I see this breaks my heart. Our baby shower should be being announced. It's so hard to hold back all the tears each week. Today I got in my car and cried. I just sat in the parking lot with tears streaming down my face.

Today we talked about what is it that we are saying no or making excuses about that God has called us to do. This was based on Psalm 2. In this Psalm basically people are saying no, we don't want a new king and God is saying I have already appointed one. God calls each of us to serve him. All of us are called to share him with others, how we go about doing that is not always the same as someone else. Jonathan and I believe that God is calling us to look into starting a non-profit organization in Grant's name. We believe that this will allow us to reach more hospitals with our donations and will allow us to have more community support. There is a lot that goes into starting a non-profit. I have a full time job, Jonathan is a full time student, we are foster parents, etc. All things that I know Satan will use to try to convince us otherwise. I would ask that you pray for us as we do more research and begin going down this path. I'm glad I went to church today, even if it did start and end with tears. If it weren't for the love of my God I wouldn't be where I am in this journey, that I am sure of.

Sewing Baby Hats- My First Tutorial

UPDATE: 6/28/2012

On the recommendation of someone else I am linking up to The Shabby Creek Cottage Transformation Thursday. If you are from The Shabby Creek Cottage, welcome! If you are thinking of making these baby hats to donate to your local hospital please make 2 identical hats. This allows the family to have the same hat that the baby has without leaving the baby without. Please also take a moment to visit Teeny Tears here: Teeny Tears Diapers. This organization provides free patterns to make tiny flannel diapers so that babies who are born too early and don't survive or who are born stillborn can have a diaper to wear. If you would like to make hats, blankets or diapers to donate to my hospital I would be happy to accept donations. Please just leave a comment on the post and I will let you know where they can be sent. My goal is to provide 2 diapers, 2 hats and 2 blankets with 1 sleeper or gown to every family who is dealing with infant death at Scott and White Memorial Hospital in Temple, TX. 

This tutorial came about because I am making teeny tiny baby hats to donate to my hospital for babies who are born sleeping or die shortly after birth. These hats are for babies from about 16 weeks to about 32 weeks. Babies after 32 weeks can generally wear preemie size clothing and have hats and things available to them. Any mommy who has a baby who has died knows how important it is to have clothes/hat/blanket for your baby. No mommy wants to kiss their baby goodbye and send them off naked. I remember thinking "I don't want him to be cold. I want him to be cozy and warm." Us mommies also know that we don't have many "things" that belonged to our babies. This is especially true for the babies that are born really early. We treasure every thing we have that belonged to them or was for them.

Most patterns for teeny tiny baby hats are for knit/crochet. I can do neither. This prompted me to go on a hunt for a pattern that I could sew. I am fairly good at sewing, however I prefer simple projects. This was especially true for this purpose, the easier and faster the better, since I need to make a lot of hats.

This is really simple. Only the most basic skills are necessary.

Materials:
1. knit fabric, less than a half a yard is needed, you can make multiple hats from 1/2 yard (a soft baby knit is perfect for this). A knit fabric is a fabric that stretches (usually more in one direction than the other). Fabric stores often have really cute little baby prints in knits. Make sure you prewash your fabric following the fabric directions
2. Thread (a good all purpose thread is just fine)
3. Sewing Machine
4. Sewing Machine needle for knits (mine is a yellow shank needle, follow the size recommendations on the package)
5. ruler or measuring tape
6. scissors or rotary cutter
7. something that makes a circle, like a glass (trust me, it's way easier than trying to draw a perfect half circle)


Step 1:
You will want to cut a square of fabric 1 inch larger than the circumference of the babies head. If this is for an older child, just measure a hat you already have or measure their head. If it is for a baby here is a list of sizes. 16 weeks: 16cm; 17 weeks: 17cm; 18 weeks: 18 cm; 19 weeks: 19cm, 20 weeks: 20 cm; 22 weeks: 22cm; 24 weeks: 24 cm; 26 weeks: 25.5cm; 28 weeks: 27 cm; 30 weeks: 28.5cm; 32 weeks: 30 cm; 34 weeks: 31 cm; 36 weeks: 32cm; 38 weeks: 33cm; 40 weeks: 35cm.

There are 2.54cm per inch. Most measuring tapes/rulers/rotary cutting boards have cm markings also. I usually find my cm marking on my rotary board and then add 1 inch (I know different types of measurements so it can be confusing)

Example: 22 week hat; need 1 square of fabric 22cm +1inch

Step 2: Decide which direction your fabric stretches the most. You want the stretch to go horizontally in the hat.

Step 3: Fold the fabric, right sides together, so that the fold is perpendicular to the direction the most stretch is in

Step 4: Sew a 1/2 inch seam along the raw edges (you may have to go slow, knit can be tricky to sew on)

Step 5: You should now have a tube of fabric. Place the seam down the middle of the tube and lay open the seam

Step 6: Fold the tube on itself (like folding socks) so that the wrong sides are touching. Make sure the seam is lining up and laying flat

Step 7: Get your circular item and trace a semi circle on the fabric with the top of the semi circle almost touching the raw edge of the folded tube

Step 8: Sew along the line you traced (go slow, it's a curve). Trim off the excess to about a 1/8 inch seam allowance

Step 9: Turn your hat inside out and fold up the brim

TaDa! You did it!

Something I'm Thinking About

Grant has inspired me. He has inspired me to be a better mom and wife. He also has inspired me to actually do something with my dream of helping people with my sewing. I love to sew. I'm no great seamstress by any means but I'm not terrible either. We had my aunt make us hats, gowns and blankets for Grant. 2 of each so that we could keep one and keep one on Grant. Having something that he wore or was wrapped in is very healing. The hospital where he was born also had a little tiny crocheted hat that he wore in most of his pictures. It was precious. Our hospital has people that donate little outfits for the NICU babies and little crocheted hats for them. They also have people that donate beautiful blankets and quilts for the babies in the NICU and children in the hospital. However, they don't have anything donated for the tiniest little angels or specifically for the child who go to meet Jesus. Just thinking about a family finding out that their baby has died and then not having items small enough for the child to wear or items that they can take home without leaving the baby without breaks my heart.

There is an organization that I have fallen in love with called Teeny Tears. You can find their website here: Teeny Tears This amazing organization makes and distributes the cutest, tiniest diapers I have ever seen to hospitals for bereaved families. These diapers are so that the infants can have their pictures taken with dignity for the families to keep. All families who have lost a baby treasure whatever photos they have of their little ones. This group also has free patterns for other people to make the diapers and distribute them locally. None of this is done for monetary profit. It's all done to support newly grieving families and I LOVE IT! They also have a woman who will contact your local hospital and find out how many diapers they need for you. Amazing. To help this organization just go to their web page. You can have money donated to their organization by shopping online just like you may normally do and it won't cost you a cent. Find out about that here: Teeny Tears Online Shopping Donations

So here is my idea. It is not fully formed yet and I am not 100% sure how to make it all happen. I want to make diapers, tiny blankets (some as small as 9"x9"), and hats to distribute to my hospital solely for the purpose of babies who have gone to Jesus. This includes babies that die in the NICU. I want to make 2 of everything and make them match so the parents can pick what pattern they want but will also have something to keep exactly like the one that the baby wore. I've even considered making tiny little sleeper gowns for the tiniest babies. I'm going to need help. This is a HUGE project and in my brain it seems even larger. Eventually I would like to have these being donated to all the local hospitals here where I live. I want to be able to bless other peoples lives in the darkest times like my aunt was able to bless us with something as simple as clothes for their baby to wear with dignity. If you would like to help in any way (sewing items, fabric donations, monetary donations to buy fabric, or just prayer for my endeavor) I would appreciate it. Another mom who lost her son is doing something similar where she lives so if you happen to live in North Carolina maybe you could help her instead :) Dancing in the Rain