Today I am sad. Some days it just hits you and you have to embrace it to move on. That may sound silly, but you can't avoid it. You can busy yourself for a while and make it go away but it will come back. You have to face it head on, embrace it, feel it, and eventually it will lessen. I keep thinking how I should be 32 weeks pregnant. 32 weeks. That's how far along my sister-in-law was when my twin nieces were born. I know exactly what a 32 week baby looks like. I've seen many of them in my profession and 2 beautiful ones in my nieces. Yet, I'm not 32 weeks along. I'm 11 weeks after delivery instead. In 6-8 weeks I should be welcoming our baby home, yet I have already said hello and goodbye. I ache to hold him again, to feel his kicks, to see my belly grow with his life safely tucked inside. I long for what could have been. I know that heaven is real, and that he is safe and loved there, but I wish he was safe and loved here, with us, instead. I wonder what it feels like to be 32 weeks pregnant in the middle of summer in Texas? I know it would be hot, but I wouldn't have cared. I would give almost anything to be hot and pregnant. My arms ache to feel the weight of a baby. To hold them close and smell their sweetness. To listen to their soft baby grunts and coos and watch them sleep. I miss him. I miss him so incredibly much.
I know one day I will get to see him again and get to hold him close. Until then I am going to do my best to continue following God, even though some days that is incredibly hard to do. I can't wait for the day when we will meet again.
Grant, Mommy loves you so much baby boy. I always have and always will.
I wish you were not sad. I wish you didnt have a reason to be. Thank you for sharing your feelings today. It has been a sad day for me too. I am wondering if your Grant and my Seth are playing together in heaven today. I hope so. Grant sounds like a wonderful little boy with a beautiful mommy. Hugs to you today.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that it's a sad day friend. The ups and downs of grief are torturous. I wish that you were 32 weeks this week too. I wish you didn't have to know what a too tiny baby looks like :(. One day you WILL have Grant's little brother or sister and you WILL be 32 weeks (or more!!) pregnant with them. You WILL suffer through a Texas sized summer. You WILL get there! I just know it! Lots of love to you this weekend.
ReplyDeletexoxox
32 weeks here too, my friend...and longing for "what could have been". Much love to you, friend. May the good days increase in frequency and number in between the sad days. You are making a difference in the lives of others!!
ReplyDeleteOh Kristy, I am so sorry. It's hard. So hard.
ReplyDelete(((Big Hugs))) this is a hard path. You will make it we are here with you. I am praying for you now my friend.
ReplyDeleteContinuing to pray for you. I love you, sweet friend.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS))), Kristy!! Thinking about you lots and praying for you even more.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs, lifting you up friend. xoxoxo Nan
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