Andrea and Her Sayings

Andrea is a funny kid who talks like she is 16 but is only 3. Maybe I should explain who Andrea is since I talk about her often. I work with Andrea's mom (Bethany). She started residency the year after I did with her beautiful little 6 month old girl, Andrea. Her husband was working in another town at the time and she had a friend living with her as her nanny. In November of 2009 Jonathan got hurt at work. In January of 2010 Bethany needed a new nanny. Jonathan is amazing with kids and couldn't work. Bethany already knew him and me and trusted us, so he started taking care of Andrea when she was almost 1. He took care of her all of 2010 and part of 2011 and then she started daycare when he started school. However, she still stays at our house quite often because her mom works crazy hours as a resident and she needs someone to take care of her. They are moving in a few weeks so she is out of daycare now and once again staying with Jonathan (JaJa to her). She LOVES JaJa! I think he is her favorite person in the world second only to her mom. 

This is what she has said today. 

We were all sitting on our bed goofing around when she grabs his arm and says 

Andrea: My Jaja 

Jaja: Will you share me with Kristy?

Andrea: NO, She then starts talking in an English accent and says "He is no you JaJa. Never."

Kristy: Will you share him with me, I love him? 

Andrea: Tomorrow 

Kristy: Is tomorrow ever going to happen? 

Andrea: No (then starts laughing hysterically)

Still laying on the bed goofing off. I'm laying next to Jaja with my arm over him pretending to sleep. 

Andrea: My Jaja

Kristy: fake snoring

Andrea: Climbs on Jaja and pushes me away, then gets down and tries to pick my head up. "Pick up your head."

Kristy: Laughing

Andrea: Pick your head up or I'm going to start counting, then starts counting at 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

Kristy and Jaja: Laughing harder

Andrea: pushing me away so I roll farther away. then hugs Jaja and says "my jaja, not yours, go over there"

Kristy: I can't roll any further

Andrea: yes you can, right there (pointing to about a 1 inch space between me and the wall)

In the car

Jaja: Andrea, what do you want for lunch

Andrea: Macaroni and cheese

Jaja: giggles

Andrea: Macaroni and cheese, and french fries, and chocolate milk, that's all I want, K?

Jaja: Is chinese food ok?

Andrea: ummm, sure and Macaroni and cheese

Kristy: No macaroni and cheese, rice and chicken

Andrea: I don't like spicy chicken

And here are some pictures of this cutie! 

January 2010

 March 2010

October 2010

Spring 2011

Summer 2011

 November 2011

 May 2012

Today I am Sad

Today I am sad. Some days it just hits you and you have to embrace it to move on. That may sound silly, but you can't avoid it. You can busy yourself for a while and make it go away but it will come back. You have to face it head on, embrace it, feel it, and eventually it will lessen. I keep thinking how I should be 32 weeks pregnant. 32 weeks. That's how far along my sister-in-law was when my twin nieces were born. I know exactly what a 32 week baby looks like. I've seen many of them in my profession and 2 beautiful ones in my nieces. Yet, I'm not 32 weeks along. I'm 11 weeks after delivery instead. In 6-8 weeks I should be welcoming our baby home, yet I have already said hello and goodbye. I ache to hold him again, to feel his kicks, to see my belly grow with his life safely tucked inside. I long for what could have been. I know that heaven is real, and that he is safe and loved there, but I wish he was safe and loved here, with us, instead. I wonder what it feels like to be 32 weeks pregnant in the middle of summer in Texas? I know it would be hot, but I wouldn't have cared. I would give almost anything to be hot and pregnant. My arms ache to feel the weight of a baby. To hold them close and smell their sweetness. To listen to their soft baby grunts and coos and watch them sleep. I miss him. I miss him so incredibly much.

I know one day I will get to see him again and get to hold him close. Until then I am going to do my best to continue following God, even though some days that is incredibly hard to do. I can't wait for the day when we will meet again.

Grant, Mommy loves you so much baby boy. I always have and always will.

What's in My Purse?

One of my blog friends, who I would love to meet in real life one day, did this post today and I thought it looked like fun. You should visit Hillary at her family blog, she's great! The Mueller Family She got the idea from another blog here: Ginmommy

Here is what is in my purse. If you want to join and allow others to be nosy about what is in your purse, don't clean it out, take pictures, and share your organized/unorganized self with the world :) Everyone likes to be nosy and in other peoples business, right? Jonathan and I laugh because one night about 18 months ago we decided at about midnight to go get a milkshake from Jack in the Box and drive around town looking at houses that we couldn't afford, but it's fun to dream :) I'm surprised no one called the cops on us creepers driving slowly through neighborhoods in the middle of the night.

So, here's my purse. My amazing husband picked it out and gave it to me for Christmas in 2010.

 Here is a quick peek at the inside. 

Olive Garden Cupon, 2 baseball game tickets, all from vacation over 2 weeks ago ;)

Bereavement Committee information from my meeting yesterday.

Grocery list and receipts. 

Inhaler, lotion, eye drops, tums, zantac, medicated chapstick. 

Wallet, Checkbook, and 1 random quarter. 

2 packages of kleenex, lipstick, lipgloss, D's lipgloss, nail file, pseudofed.

Pens, Chili's Hope bracelet, 2 work ID's, random cap from plug in my car. 

There you have it, a bunch of random stuff, and now it is much cleaner!

Thankful Thursday #4

Here is my Thankful Thursday for this week. I missed last week because we were spending time with D and A before they were scheduled to leave on Friday so this week will include stuff from last week also.

1. I'm thankful that we got to go to the Ranger game last Wednesday with D, A, Andrea and some of my family. The kids had so much fun and to see the amazement in their eyes was beautiful.

2. I'm thankful that D called me on Friday after they left and arrived at their biological parents house. She called to "let me know they were home" but I think it was more because she was missing us. I'm glad that her mom will allow her to call us.

3. I'm thankful for my job. Last week was my first week back and it went better than I had expected. Some cases were more difficult for me to deal with than normal but I think I handled it pretty well. I love my job and am glad to be back at work.

4. I'm thankful for my husband. Jonathan and I have been married for 6 years now and I am so thankful to have such a loving, supportive husband. I couldn't do life without him.

5. I'm thankful for the chance to be on the bereavement committee at the children's hospital where I work. This is all because of Grant. I was asked to be on the committee as a parent who has lost a child and I can also speak from a physician's perspective. I am so glad to be able to help make other parent's experiences better, even though the situation totally sucks. I have to say my experience at our hospital was wonderful but if we can help even 1 family it will totally be worth it.

Advocating for Orphans

Please help me help orphans. Orphans and foster children, and now helping families through loss, are my heart. This group is a group helping to advocate and raise money to rescue orphans from a specific orphanage in Eastern Europe. These orphans are special needs and the way they are treated will break your heart. People in the United States get arrested for treating animals less badly, and yet here these precious children sit. Please visit their blog and pray for the child and family they are advocating for. If you find something you would like to own you can bid for the items and all money raised goes towards the family to bring this sweet baby home. Please help bless another family.

Hidden Treasures Adoption Auction

The video below is not for the faint of heart. It shows conditions that will make you feel sick for these little ones. Please help advocate for them. They need a voice and someone to love them.

Reece's Raibow is another adoption advocation group that I love. They mainly advocate for children with Down Syndrome but they advocate for other children with special needs also. They help raise grants for these children so that families who want to adopt them aren't hindered by the huge cost. Please join me in praying for these children. Consider advocating for one child.

Reece's Rainbow

6 Years!

June 3, 2006-June 3, 2012 = 6 Years of marriage to my amazing husband. I can't believe it has been that long, yet sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday. We have had a roller coaster of 6 years with many trials and some triumphs. I would venture to say that some of these trials are likely to be the most difficult of our lives and yet we are still standing and standing strong. I don't know what tomorrow holds, no one does, but I know that I don't want to face it without Jonathan by my side. I have to say, marriage isn't easy. It takes work and commitment but the result is totally worth the effort.

We got married in between my 2nd and 3rd year of medical school, just before I took step 1 of my medical school exam. Not necessarily the best decision I've ever made :) but it worked out just fine. I also chose to give up a scholarship that was paying for my medical school by getting married (love makes you do crazy things). 1 year later we were in a major car accident where our Ford Explorer got totaled on the highway but we walked away with only minor injuries. This left us with one vehicle when we needed two and living on my husbands not so great income. We decided to move in with my parents for my 4th year of medical school so we could save money and use the money that should be paying for rent to help pay for a car payment (the other cars were already paid off). Living with your parents when you are an adult and married is interesting to say the least. Part of that year, and a little of the year before that, I was gone for 4-6 weeks at a time for my medical school rotations. I was working a lot of hours and so was Jonathan. I was interviewing for my residency in pediatrics that fall and winter. In the summer of 2008 we packed our belongings and moved 2 1/2 hours away from everyone we knew and loved. We left our church, jobs, family and friends. The first 2 1/2 months that we lived in this new town Jonathan still lived in Dallas because his job hadn't transferred yet. I was working 80 hrs a week and we hardly saw each other. When he finally moved to Temple with me in August I was so excited. At the end of August my mom became very sick and was in the ICU on a ventilator for 2 weeks. I left my residency and stayed most of those 2 weeks in Dallas by her bedside while Jonathan stayed in Temple so he could work in Austin. The fall of 2008 is also when we decided we would start trying to have a baby. I finished my intern year of pediatric residency in spring of 2009 and life kept moving on. In the fall of 2009 Jonathan hurt is back at work and was placed on disability. He was then told he couldn't return to work in that field. Without a college degree and only having done mostly manual labor in the past finding a new job was proving difficult. Then God stepped in, again, and provided work, albeit a little unconventional. A friend from my residency needed a new nanny for her almost 1 year old daughter. She hired Jonathan and he became a manny :). We still take care of that little girl over 2 years later. Spring of 2010 is also when we started infertility treatments. Summer of 2010 I became chief resident, started applying for foster care, continued infertility, and kept working 80hrs a week. Yes, I know, I'm crazy. Spring of 2011 I graduated from residency and we moved into a nicer, slightly larger home (out of the ghetto). Residents don't make much money. I started the job I have now, that I love. In the fall of 2011 Jonathan started going back to college, we got pregnant, and we still had foster kids. Spring of 2012 we said goodbye to our Grant, said goodbye to our foster kids of 13 months, and here we are.

I am so proud of where we are. We have been parents to 8 foster kids and 1 biological child. I have finished residency with the support of my husband and now I am supporting him as he pursues his degree in teaching. We have made friends and learned a great deal about life. I pray that the next 60 years are just as full of God's blessings and that we continue to lean on Him.

Jonathan,
You are the love of my life. I am so amazed that God would give such a wonderful man to me to be my husband. You are the best daddy and husband in the world. I am so glad that I have you to stand by my side through everything. I can't wait to see what God does with our lives over the next year. I love you mi amor!

Saying Goodbye Yet Again

Today we had to say goodbye yet again. D and A returned to live with their biological parents. I have now said goodbye to 8 different foster children and 1 biological child in less than 18 months. D and A lived with us for the longest (13 of those 17 months). Since they lived with us the longest they also acquired the most stuff. They each had 2 birthdays and 1 Christmas while living here.

We knew that they were going back today so we planned some fun things for this week. Tuesday night we had friends over and the kids had a blast playing together. I know D will miss her friend Emma. We all went to bed late (well they did, I went to work). Wednesday when D got out of school we headed to Arlington to go to the Texas Rangers game. My Rangers got their tails kicked but the looks on the kids faces and hearing them talk about it made it completely worth it. We spent the night in Arlington that night and headed home yesterday. Yesterday evening we spent the evening at the pool and had pizza and cookies. The kids had so much fun swimming and A was becoming so confident and even jumping into the big pool. We also packed most of their belongings yesterday evening. Last night we made a pallet in the living room floor and let them sleep in there and watch TV until way too late :) Today we went to lunch, bought a new Wii game for D to play and finished packing their things. We spent lots of time wrestling on the floor, giggling, and enjoying time together.

CPS showed up at 4:30 and within 15 min their belongings were packed in the car, we had kissed them goodbye and they were gone. These two children have made us better parents and better people. They have blessed ours and our family and friends lives. They are beautiful little people and I love them! I pray that they are able to stay together as a healthy family and the children won't be hurt again. I'm not 100% or even 75% sure that will happen but I must trust God and his plan. D and A's mom does want us to continue to have some contact with the kids. We are hoping to spend some time with them once every month-6 weeks. This was a shocking thing to us because before Wednesday the mom wouldn't even hardly talk to us and looked at us like we were evil. Please join us in praying for their family that they can stay together, safe and loved. My heart is heavy and I am tired of saying goodbye.