We faxed our application in a few days ago! We still have "supporting documents" that have to be filled out, like our dogs updated vaccines, fingerprinting, etc. but the main part of the application is in! I am super excited about this and can't wait until we are licensed in the next few months. Hopefully if we can get everything together quickly we can be licensed at the end of September and have a child, or children, in our home in October! Someone asked me the other day what we were going to do if we got pregnant since we are still taking fertility medicine and still trying each month to have a baby. My answer to that question is bring it on! The more children the merrier in my book. Will we have to make some adjustments, sure, but that's fine by me. If God wants to bless us with more than 1 child then who am I to complain about it. As one of my friends said, "it's Kristy, she likes dealing with chaos, she'll be fine", haha. I'd write more but it's off to work I must go :(
Until!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Process
And.......I'm back. Wow work has been crazy lately. I worked on our foster care application while I was on nights and Jonathan has finished filling out the parts that I couldn't. I'm pretty sure the main application is finished. Now we send it in and wait. Hopefully we can take classes next month. They said that the process can take as long as we want basically. We have to have a home study, home health and fire inspection, Jonathan needs to be CPR/First Aid Certified, we have to have background checks and fingerprints done all before we can be licensed. Whew, that's a lot of stuff. The application packet is HUGE!!!! We are really looking forward to this. Last night we discussed the age ranges of children we would be comfortable with as well as the disabilities we would be comfortable with. Those are hard questions to think about. We know that lots of children need a home and that older kids are the ones that are the hardest to place but I think I understand why. We have agreed to allow newborn to 14 year olds with no or some disabilities. We don't want to accept very medically fragile children. It's not fair to ask Jonathan to have to adapt to that life style, plus, I see children like that at work everyday and I can't see them at home too, they make me sad. We are going to take the teenagers on a case by case basis. I am not very sure of my abilities to parent a teenager at this point in my life, but if God wants us to have a teenager then we will take them. We are soon going to be cleaning the office out to make room for the guest bed so we can turn the guest room into the kids room. We are looking for furniture and toys/books to have on hand. I feel like we are pretty prepared for a baby since we have sippy cups, a high chair, diaper bag, changing pad, etc from having Andrea here so often.
On a different note: My fertility specialist started me on Metformin to help me ovulate. Once I got past the side effects it hasn't bothered me too much. I just started taking another round of Clomid and hopefully we will ovulate and conceive soon :)
Until!
On a different note: My fertility specialist started me on Metformin to help me ovulate. Once I got past the side effects it hasn't bothered me too much. I just started taking another round of Clomid and hopefully we will ovulate and conceive soon :)
Until!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
New Development!
Where to begin? I guess where we left off last time. The round of clomid in July didn't work:( I have started taking Metformin to help the clomid work and next round in a few weeks we will increase the dose of clomid yet again. This whole process is exhausting. I have my good and bad days, but good days definitely out way the bad. We shall see what happens. Delayed gratification has been the story of my life.
On a different note we have begun filling out foster care/adoption paperwork. We have looked into a bunch of different agencies and have decided to go with Family Link out of Austin. They are a Christian agency and the people are super nice. We will be attending classes in September and hopefully licensed at the end of September. We are doing foster and foster to adopt and are super excited about this. We know that this is where God is leading us.
Our lives are crazy busy like always, but we are enjoying it! God had really blessed us.
Until
On a different note we have begun filling out foster care/adoption paperwork. We have looked into a bunch of different agencies and have decided to go with Family Link out of Austin. They are a Christian agency and the people are super nice. We will be attending classes in September and hopefully licensed at the end of September. We are doing foster and foster to adopt and are super excited about this. We know that this is where God is leading us.
Our lives are crazy busy like always, but we are enjoying it! God had really blessed us.
Until
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wishes
There are so many things i wish for. What I would love is for other women to share their infertility journey. The inspiration for this blog actually stems from another blog I read where the woman struggled with infertility, then had a baby in the NICU and now has a beautiful toddler. Reading her story really has helped me to see that there is a light at then end of this tunnel.
One of the most difficult things about dealing with infertility is the feeling of loneliness on this journey. You know that there are other people out there with a similar situation, but you still feel so alone. I actually happen to know a few people who are pretty much in the same situation as me, or have been. I don't know if knowing that other people are dealing with this makes it easier because "misery loves company" or if it's because you know that others can relate and also see the success stories.
It seems that more and more people I know are having babies. I actually received a call from a family member a few days ago letting me know that her sister is pregnant. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of her calling me instead of me finding out in person or seeing it on the internet. I'm happy for this person. I'm happy for anyone I know to have a baby, it just takes some time to feel that joy. One of the hardest things is having someone tell you in person that they are pregnant and having to show joy right that moment when you are also feeling pain. It's much easier to be properly happy for that person when you have a chance to process the news in private. It's also hard to be invited to multiple baby showers and I would like people to know that sometimes it hurts to much to go. I don't want my friends/family members thinking I'm not happy for them, because I am. I love that they are being blessed with what I think is God's most amazing creation. I also know that my friends are going to make some of the most amazing parents in the world.
My wish for this blog is to have people understand a little more about the infertility journey, some of the feelings that go along with that, and also to maybe help another woman or couple going through something similar.
Until!
One of the most difficult things about dealing with infertility is the feeling of loneliness on this journey. You know that there are other people out there with a similar situation, but you still feel so alone. I actually happen to know a few people who are pretty much in the same situation as me, or have been. I don't know if knowing that other people are dealing with this makes it easier because "misery loves company" or if it's because you know that others can relate and also see the success stories.
It seems that more and more people I know are having babies. I actually received a call from a family member a few days ago letting me know that her sister is pregnant. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of her calling me instead of me finding out in person or seeing it on the internet. I'm happy for this person. I'm happy for anyone I know to have a baby, it just takes some time to feel that joy. One of the hardest things is having someone tell you in person that they are pregnant and having to show joy right that moment when you are also feeling pain. It's much easier to be properly happy for that person when you have a chance to process the news in private. It's also hard to be invited to multiple baby showers and I would like people to know that sometimes it hurts to much to go. I don't want my friends/family members thinking I'm not happy for them, because I am. I love that they are being blessed with what I think is God's most amazing creation. I also know that my friends are going to make some of the most amazing parents in the world.
My wish for this blog is to have people understand a little more about the infertility journey, some of the feelings that go along with that, and also to maybe help another woman or couple going through something similar.
Until!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Hope
Hope is "a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled" (dictionary). I would venture to say that everyone in the world has hope for something. Hope for a better job, a healthy life, a happy family, more money, food to eat, a friend to share life with, the list could go on. I know that there are many things I hope for: A child to love, a baby in my womb, to see the joy on Jonathan's face when he meets his child for the first time, a love filled marriage, and the list could go on for a very long time.
Do you know what the opposite of hope is? It's despair "a state in which all hope is lost or absent" (dictionary). I don't think I felt despair this week, not in the literal definition of the word. I did feel immense sadness that we had not conceived. Sadness that some of the things I hope for have yet to occur. However, not despair. I saw despair today. On the face of a mom in the hospital who was losing her baby. I hope that I never have to experience that, that no one has to experience that. Do you know what it looked like? It looked like the world was coming to an end. Like it took all of her energy just to stand up. You could almost see the rip in her heart.
It really made me think. I had just been talking to a friend about the injustice of life. Going to work and taking care of babies that people have abused has always been difficult. It is even more difficult when you would love nothing more in the world than to have the privilege to be a mom and someone else threw that opportunity down the drain. However, the sadness that comes with that can't even touch the despair I saw today.
What else can I hope in? The Bible tells me to have hope in the Lord. He is the one who has saved me, after all. That hope is what gives me peace. I know that everything happens in His time. However, just because I know that is the case, it doesn't always make me feel better. I don't think that questioning how things are, being sad that something you long for isn't here, makes God angry, or me less of a Christian. I know who He is, what He is capable of (heck I've seen miracles first hand), and that He promises to take care of me. I know all of those things, and yet I still feel sadness. I also know and believe that everything will work out according to His purpose and plan. It's this belief that keeps me going, especially on days like today.
Until!
Do you know what the opposite of hope is? It's despair "a state in which all hope is lost or absent" (dictionary). I don't think I felt despair this week, not in the literal definition of the word. I did feel immense sadness that we had not conceived. Sadness that some of the things I hope for have yet to occur. However, not despair. I saw despair today. On the face of a mom in the hospital who was losing her baby. I hope that I never have to experience that, that no one has to experience that. Do you know what it looked like? It looked like the world was coming to an end. Like it took all of her energy just to stand up. You could almost see the rip in her heart.
It really made me think. I had just been talking to a friend about the injustice of life. Going to work and taking care of babies that people have abused has always been difficult. It is even more difficult when you would love nothing more in the world than to have the privilege to be a mom and someone else threw that opportunity down the drain. However, the sadness that comes with that can't even touch the despair I saw today.
What else can I hope in? The Bible tells me to have hope in the Lord. He is the one who has saved me, after all. That hope is what gives me peace. I know that everything happens in His time. However, just because I know that is the case, it doesn't always make me feel better. I don't think that questioning how things are, being sad that something you long for isn't here, makes God angry, or me less of a Christian. I know who He is, what He is capable of (heck I've seen miracles first hand), and that He promises to take care of me. I know all of those things, and yet I still feel sadness. I also know and believe that everything will work out according to His purpose and plan. It's this belief that keeps me going, especially on days like today.
Until!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Creativity
This is mostly going to be a photo post. Photos of some of the things I have made over the past year or so. Sewing is my stress relief. When I go into my sewing room and start creating things I'm able to escape the chaos for a short time. Plus, it's so much fun to make things for people I love!
Take 2
So we are on to the second successful cycle of Clomid. Successful being that the dose that I am on worked to help me to develop a follicle. Now we wait. Wait to see if I ovulate, wait to see if I get pregnant. That's the worst part about this all, the waiting. You try so hard not to get your hopes up, so hard to tell yourself that it will be ok if this cycle doesn't work, yet you don't really believe any of it.
It's hard for me to realize that this is only our second cycle. I have been taking Clomid since the beginning of January and I don't really remember how many cycles I have been through. However, the first time that the medicine worked was in late April when I reached the maximum dose. So we have been on the infertility journey involving the doctors for 6 months but the first 4 months still don't count towards the total. I was talking to my fertility specialist the other day, asking questions about what's next, etc. He says that you should give it 4-5 cycles of successful Clomid before going on to do further testing/interventions. He knows that we are not willing to do in-vitro fertilization. I can't make myself pay $20-30,000 per cycle on the chance that I could get pregnant when there are thousands of children in this world who need a Mommy and Daddy, not to mention the stress that it puts on a marriage. Our fertility specialist seems to think that I have a really good chance of getting pregnant just on Clomid, so I will trust him.
Where does God fit in all of this? Well, He fits at the beginning, where He belongs. Jonathan and I truly believe that everything will happen within God's timing. Does this mean that we shouldn't seek medical help? No, God placed doctors in our lives for a reason. Do I often ask God why us? Of course, but I know that He can handle it. He can handle our anger, frustration, questions, and pain. He has endured much more than we have and knows what it is like to hurt. I also know that I go to him daily thanking him for what He has done for us. I have been reading a book called "Hannah's Hope" which was recommended to me by a friend who also struggled with infertility. It's a fabulous book. It's based on Hannah from 1 Samuel. Hannah also longed for a child while those close to her seemed to have no trouble conceiving. This book has helped me to realize that I am not alone in this journey. I always knew that Jonathan was part of the journey too, but it still seemed so lonely here. This book really helped me to not feel like a failure and helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I know that everything will work out when it is supposed to, however the human part of me still worries about it.
I have another post coming soon, not at all pertaining to infertility.
Until!
It's hard for me to realize that this is only our second cycle. I have been taking Clomid since the beginning of January and I don't really remember how many cycles I have been through. However, the first time that the medicine worked was in late April when I reached the maximum dose. So we have been on the infertility journey involving the doctors for 6 months but the first 4 months still don't count towards the total. I was talking to my fertility specialist the other day, asking questions about what's next, etc. He says that you should give it 4-5 cycles of successful Clomid before going on to do further testing/interventions. He knows that we are not willing to do in-vitro fertilization. I can't make myself pay $20-30,000 per cycle on the chance that I could get pregnant when there are thousands of children in this world who need a Mommy and Daddy, not to mention the stress that it puts on a marriage. Our fertility specialist seems to think that I have a really good chance of getting pregnant just on Clomid, so I will trust him.
Where does God fit in all of this? Well, He fits at the beginning, where He belongs. Jonathan and I truly believe that everything will happen within God's timing. Does this mean that we shouldn't seek medical help? No, God placed doctors in our lives for a reason. Do I often ask God why us? Of course, but I know that He can handle it. He can handle our anger, frustration, questions, and pain. He has endured much more than we have and knows what it is like to hurt. I also know that I go to him daily thanking him for what He has done for us. I have been reading a book called "Hannah's Hope" which was recommended to me by a friend who also struggled with infertility. It's a fabulous book. It's based on Hannah from 1 Samuel. Hannah also longed for a child while those close to her seemed to have no trouble conceiving. This book has helped me to realize that I am not alone in this journey. I always knew that Jonathan was part of the journey too, but it still seemed so lonely here. This book really helped me to not feel like a failure and helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I know that everything will work out when it is supposed to, however the human part of me still worries about it.
I have another post coming soon, not at all pertaining to infertility.
Until!
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