Hope

Hope is "a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled" (dictionary). I would venture to say that everyone in the world has hope for something. Hope for a better job, a healthy life, a happy family, more money, food to eat, a friend to share life with, the list could go on. I know that there are many things I hope for: A child to love, a baby in my womb, to see the joy on Jonathan's face when he meets his child for the first time, a love filled marriage, and the list could go on for a very long time.

Do you know what the opposite of hope is? It's despair "a state in which all hope is lost or absent" (dictionary). I don't think I felt despair this week, not in the literal definition of the word. I did feel immense sadness that we had not conceived. Sadness that some of the things I hope for have yet to occur. However, not despair. I saw despair today. On the face of a mom in the hospital who was losing her baby. I hope that I never have to experience that, that no one has to experience that. Do you know what it looked like? It looked like the world was coming to an end. Like it took all of her energy just to stand up. You could almost see the rip in her heart.

It really made me think. I had just been talking to a friend about the injustice of life. Going to work and taking care of babies that people have abused has always been difficult. It is even more difficult when you would love nothing more in the world than to have the privilege to be a mom and someone else threw that opportunity down the drain. However, the sadness that comes with that can't even touch the despair I saw today.

What else can I hope in? The Bible tells me to have hope in the Lord. He is the one who has saved me, after all. That hope is what gives me peace. I know that everything happens in His time. However, just because I know that is the case, it doesn't always make me feel better. I don't think that questioning how things are, being sad that something you long for isn't here, makes God angry, or me less of a Christian. I know who He is, what He is capable of (heck I've seen miracles first hand), and that He promises to take care of me. I know all of those things, and yet I still feel sadness. I also know and believe that everything will work out according to His purpose and plan. It's this belief that keeps me going, especially on days like today.

Until!