Warning: Talk of breastfeeding involved. Don't continue if you don't want to read about it :)
I love, love, love being a mom. I love sweet baby cuddles, smiles, giggles and squeals. She is precious and perfect and I wouldn't trade this for anything. What do I not love then? Breastfeeding/pumping. I really really wanted to, but I don't. I actually despise pumping. I can't wait until she is no longer taking breast milk. I want to give her breast milk until 1 yr, that has been my goal. I don't hate breastfeeding as much as pumping but I don't love it. I like that it's our quiet time. Only me and her. I don't like how she has a terrible latch (always has) and that I still have to use a nipple shield. I don't like that she is super distractible so what should take15 minutes takes 30 and instead of it being a relaxing experience I am always having to try to get her attention again to get her to re-latch. I'm sure some will say that I should enjoy this because I'll miss it when it's over, and you know what, maybe I will. I've learned to never say never when it comes to parenting. I may miss our early morning sessions where she is still sleepy and looks at me and smiles. I know that I most likely won't miss being attached to a machine for 15 minutes at a time every 4-6 hours when I can't breastfeed.
Been there...felt that way!! I struggled with both of our biological children. I was one of the 1% of women who truly have a supply deficiency, despite nursing/pumping 12x/day, taking reglan, eating oatmeal, etc. I pumped exclusively for both of them once they discovered how much easier getting milk from a bottle was. By the time I pumped for Ava, the pump started talking to me....delirious much?? I made it a year with her (with Jacob I had kidney stone surgery and dropped to below 7 ounces/day of production at 6 months). Being a mommy is tough and sometimes the ideal world just isn't reality! How awesome that you're still trying! Hang in there...you're doing great!
ReplyDeleteAhhh...I can remember quitting pumping when Jake was 8 months, and I swore I'd never do it again. I stuck to my word when Parker came because it left that huge of an impression on me. Just couldn't bring myself again. In other words...I feel ya!!!
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