A Happy Thanksgiving With Some Sadness Mixed In

We did have a good Thanksgiving. We spent time with both of our families. I loved being with my nieces and nephews. Seeing their smiles and hearing them playing. I even got to go fishing with my brother, Dad, niece McKenzie and a friend of my brother's. It was a nice afternoon spent on the lake enjoying being together. I enjoyed helping my mom make Thanksgiving and snacking as we went. It was a nice few days spent with family enjoying each other. I love my large family and the crazy that goes with it. We helped my parents move a little closer to my siblings. Moving is always an adventure with my family and this time was no different. We had a very busy few days going here and there, seeing friends and family and I enjoyed it. We have some of the greatest friends and family. 

Thanksgiving was a little bittersweet. I've been told by my friends who have gone before me on this path that the first milestones are the hardest. I fully expected it to be true and it has been. As with the other milestones we have passed Thanksgiving wasn't much different. It seems the time leading up to a milestone is harder than the actual milestone. I've been doing my best this month to be thankful. It always helps me with my grief to be thankful. I've even continued to be thankful for my baby boy. He is one of our biggest blessings and greatest miracles and I'm glad he is mine. However, being thankful for him doesn't take away the sting that he isn't with us. I couldn't help but think how cute he would have looked in a thanksgiving outfit and how our family would have been passing him around oohing and ahhing over him. Some tears fell on a few different occasions and I just let them fall. I needed to feel it. I've learned that my journey is easier if I allow myself to feel the sadness when it comes instead of suppressing it. One of the times that it hit me the hardest was when I was Black Friday shopping with my mom and sister. A time I least expected it. Walking through the store and seeing tiny Christmas outfits and toys for infants. I had to walk away with tears in my eyes.

I'm sure that as Christmas approaches it will be similar. Days and moments that are wonderful and those that are sad. I will continue to thank God for my family, my son, my amazing husband, and for His love.