Over half of my week off has already come and gone. It has been an amazing few days. Saturday we got to have a family "get together" to see family we don't see very often but also to celebrate my grandmother's 77th birthday. My Memaw is by far one of the best people I've ever known and has taught me so much about life. Sunday we went to our old church, saw some old friends, ate lunch with the Burgins (who we LOVE) and spent some time with the Andrew's as well. It was so nice to see old friends and get to "catch up". We love living in Temple but sometimes you miss your old friends. Monday Jonathan, myself, his mom and his niece went to the Gaylord ICE exhibit which was stunning. It's incredible what they can make out of ice. This year the theme was Charlie Brown Christmas. The ice sculptures were beautiful and we had fun. Tuesday we drove to Marshall, TX to see the Christmas lights. I enjoyed being able to show Jonathan around my college town and talk about the fun times I had there. I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!! It is seriously my favorite time of year and seeing Christmas lights makes me so happy. On our way home on Wednesday we stopped in Tyler to eat lunch with a friend of mine from medical school. Our lunch took over 4 hours because we were talking so much. I think the waiters were getting annoyed, oh well, we left a good tip. I miss my friends from medical school so much. Medical school is so hard and your friends from school really understood what it was like and I think that makes the bond so much stronger. We really hoped to be able to get together this year like we did last year but it's not going to happen. Good thing our friend Emily is getting married in December of 2011, we'll all be there for that! Wednesday night we ate dinner with some old friends in Arlington and today we hung out with my nieces, went to lunch with my mom and my mother-in-law, went to dinner with family and are now hanging out. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and it will be busy but full of family and fun.
We should be licensed for foster care now. We submitted our foster care agreement paperwork today which was the last piece they needed. We can't wait to have a child/children!
I'm not ready to go back to work on Sunday and return to working nights but at least I have a few more days off to spend with family. I hope that everyone has a Merry Christmas!
~until~
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
It's The Most Wonderful Time of The Year!
I love Christmas! It makes me so happy to come home every night from work and see our Christmas three shining in the window. Christmas lights make me smile like a little kid and Christmas music warms my soul. Belton has a fantastic drive through lights display out by the lake. It's 5 miles of Christmas lights, each display from a business or organization in the local community. We haven't been yet this year but have gone the last 2 years and it was amazing. This year we are planning on driving to Marshall, TX (home of my college) to see the Christmas lights there. They have a ton of Christmas lights and it is beautiful. I just learned that the courthouse alone has 125,000 lights on it. Jonathan has never been to see the lights and I can't wait to show him. I'm hoping to see some friends while we are in town. It will be good to go back. This next week we are going to be mostly in the Dallas area hanging with our families. It will be nice to be off for a week and hanging out with our families. Plus eating lots of yummy Christmas goodies.
Work recently has been good. I did about a week of nights in the hospital but now I'm doing night time urgent care clinic where I only have to work for like 4 hours a night, which is FABULOUS! Although, working nights for a whole month gets old, no dinner dates with friends, no seeing my colleagues/friends at work. I love the people I work with and I enjoy being with them everyday. Some of the people I work with have become my closest friends.
Our foster care excursion continues. Last weekend we went to Austin to the Christmas retreat. We hung out with 2 great foster kids for a few hours which earned us a few more hours of observation. These kids were so much fun to spend time with and get to know. We also got to talk with some other experienced foster parents, which is a nice resource to have. Now that we are so close to having kids sometimes it can seem overwhelming. We still aren't officially licensed although there have been a few possible children for us in the last week that we had to say no too. They all had higher needs (medical and otherwise) than we are certified for at this point. We don't want to take kids that in a few weeks when they are made a higher level of care and we've formed a relationship with them they have to move because we aren't licensed for that level of child. We've begun looking at bigger vehicles. Our current ones can only hold 3 car seats and because Jonathan is taking care of our friends little girl we already have 1 car seat in the car, which limits the number of kids we can take to 2. We'll be buying a bigger car in the next few months I'm sure. Here are some of the pictures my sister took recently.
Work recently has been good. I did about a week of nights in the hospital but now I'm doing night time urgent care clinic where I only have to work for like 4 hours a night, which is FABULOUS! Although, working nights for a whole month gets old, no dinner dates with friends, no seeing my colleagues/friends at work. I love the people I work with and I enjoy being with them everyday. Some of the people I work with have become my closest friends.
Our foster care excursion continues. Last weekend we went to Austin to the Christmas retreat. We hung out with 2 great foster kids for a few hours which earned us a few more hours of observation. These kids were so much fun to spend time with and get to know. We also got to talk with some other experienced foster parents, which is a nice resource to have. Now that we are so close to having kids sometimes it can seem overwhelming. We still aren't officially licensed although there have been a few possible children for us in the last week that we had to say no too. They all had higher needs (medical and otherwise) than we are certified for at this point. We don't want to take kids that in a few weeks when they are made a higher level of care and we've formed a relationship with them they have to move because we aren't licensed for that level of child. We've begun looking at bigger vehicles. Our current ones can only hold 3 car seats and because Jonathan is taking care of our friends little girl we already have 1 car seat in the car, which limits the number of kids we can take to 2. We'll be buying a bigger car in the next few months I'm sure. Here are some of the pictures my sister took recently.
Hope everyone has a safe and Merry Christmas!
~until~
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
A Little of This, A Little of That!
The month of November is over, which for means I never have to work in the NICU again. It also means that tonight I go back to working on the general pediatric floor at my hospital. Speaking of my hospital, we are in the running for a $250,000 grant from Pepsi to help fund our new Children's hospital surgical suite. Here are the details on how you can vote for my hospital. I'm going to give you a little information on my hospital first since many don't know we even exist.
The Children's Hospital at Scott and White is the only childrens hospital between DFW and Austin. We provide care to patients from Hillboro to Austin, West of Killeen to College Station and everywhere in between. We are currently located at Scott and White Hospital in Temple, TX. We are in the process of renovating another hospital in town so that we will have our own hospital, just for kids. Once our new hospital is complete we will be the smallest town in the United States to have a stand alone childrens hospital. Having this new facility will allow us to open our doors to more patients, keeping more kids closer to home. The hospital we are renovating is an old adult hospital and it needs some serious updating. The grant from Pepsi will fund part of the renovation for the surgical suites. It will buy equipment and even build a new operating room. Below is information on how you can vote for our hospital. The poll only goes through December 31st and you can vote everyday. If you could please vote for us myself and the children affected would greatly appreciate it.
First, click on this link, register and vote for our idea. You will only have to register once, so remember your password! Click Here: refresheverything.com/childrenshospital
Second, text 104716 to Pepsi at 73774.
Next, vote EVERY DAY until December 31st at 11:00 PM.
Ok, On to something else. We enjoyed a Thanksgiving feast with Jonathan's family on Thanksgiving day. We have completed decorating our house for Christmas and I love it! We spent the last few days getting ready for our home study. Last night we had our home study and it went fabulously well. I am so excited to have this step complete. Hopefully we can have our license in the next week or so. We do still need to buy a dresser for each kids room but otherwise we are as ready as we can be I think. We are so excited to be done with this part of the process. Still have about 36 hours of observation to get done before we can have higher than basic level children. Yay for being a HUGE step closer!
~until~
The Children's Hospital at Scott and White is the only childrens hospital between DFW and Austin. We provide care to patients from Hillboro to Austin, West of Killeen to College Station and everywhere in between. We are currently located at Scott and White Hospital in Temple, TX. We are in the process of renovating another hospital in town so that we will have our own hospital, just for kids. Once our new hospital is complete we will be the smallest town in the United States to have a stand alone childrens hospital. Having this new facility will allow us to open our doors to more patients, keeping more kids closer to home. The hospital we are renovating is an old adult hospital and it needs some serious updating. The grant from Pepsi will fund part of the renovation for the surgical suites. It will buy equipment and even build a new operating room. Below is information on how you can vote for our hospital. The poll only goes through December 31st and you can vote everyday. If you could please vote for us myself and the children affected would greatly appreciate it.
First, click on this link, register and vote for our idea. You will only have to register once, so remember your password! Click Here: refresheverything.com/childrenshospital
Second, text 104716 to Pepsi at 73774.
Next, vote EVERY DAY until December 31st at 11:00 PM.
Ok, On to something else. We enjoyed a Thanksgiving feast with Jonathan's family on Thanksgiving day. We have completed decorating our house for Christmas and I love it! We spent the last few days getting ready for our home study. Last night we had our home study and it went fabulously well. I am so excited to have this step complete. Hopefully we can have our license in the next week or so. We do still need to buy a dresser for each kids room but otherwise we are as ready as we can be I think. We are so excited to be done with this part of the process. Still have about 36 hours of observation to get done before we can have higher than basic level children. Yay for being a HUGE step closer!
~until~
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Thankful!
Yay for the month of November and the celebration of Thanksgiving. I have been writing on my facebook page every day something I am thankful for. I know that we should be thankful besides the month of November, and believe me, I am, but it's been fun to think of something every day that I am thankful for. Sometimes it's the beautiful weather, sometimes a friend or sibling, sometimes for the country which we live in, and often times for my fabulous husband. Something else I am thankful for is the word of God and the ability to attend a church and worship freely.
Thanksgiving is a few days away. We celebrated this past weekend with my family because originally I thought I had to work on Thursday. One of my attendings was nice enough to give us Thursday off, so we will be making the trek back to Dallas Thursday to spend Thanksgiving with Jonathan's family. I love Thanksgiving food. You know the kind of food I'm talking about: Ham, Turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, jalepeno cream corn, and of course pies. YUM! One good thing about having 2 different Thanksgivings is that they are a few days apart and I will be able to fully enjoy the food both times. This past weekend we had a blast at my sister's house with my family. They recently bought a pool table and ping-pong table and we spent a lot of time playing Ping-pong. Brought back memories from college when we would play in the student center between classes. We also went to see Harry Potter and we LOVED it. It was wonderful to get to spend so much time with my mom, dad, siblings, grandma, nieces and nephew. It will be nice to get to spend the day on Thursday with Jonathan's family.
I am also thankful to have our home study set up. It is so exciting to be so close to having kids in our home. Our home study was originally set up for 2 1/2 weeks from now but because of some schedule changes we changed to one week from today! This weekend while I'm working nights Jonathan will have to clean house and get a few things organized. On Friday we are going to set up our Christmas tree and decorate for Christmas. Hopefully I can sleep some at the hospital on call so I can help on Saturday and Sunday. We are so close to the end, it's unbelievable. We do still need about 35 hours of observation time still but we can get everything else done before that.
I'll post the pictures my sister took of us this past weekend as soon as I get them from her. They turned out great!
I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!
~until~
Thanksgiving is a few days away. We celebrated this past weekend with my family because originally I thought I had to work on Thursday. One of my attendings was nice enough to give us Thursday off, so we will be making the trek back to Dallas Thursday to spend Thanksgiving with Jonathan's family. I love Thanksgiving food. You know the kind of food I'm talking about: Ham, Turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, jalepeno cream corn, and of course pies. YUM! One good thing about having 2 different Thanksgivings is that they are a few days apart and I will be able to fully enjoy the food both times. This past weekend we had a blast at my sister's house with my family. They recently bought a pool table and ping-pong table and we spent a lot of time playing Ping-pong. Brought back memories from college when we would play in the student center between classes. We also went to see Harry Potter and we LOVED it. It was wonderful to get to spend so much time with my mom, dad, siblings, grandma, nieces and nephew. It will be nice to get to spend the day on Thursday with Jonathan's family.
I am also thankful to have our home study set up. It is so exciting to be so close to having kids in our home. Our home study was originally set up for 2 1/2 weeks from now but because of some schedule changes we changed to one week from today! This weekend while I'm working nights Jonathan will have to clean house and get a few things organized. On Friday we are going to set up our Christmas tree and decorate for Christmas. Hopefully I can sleep some at the hospital on call so I can help on Saturday and Sunday. We are so close to the end, it's unbelievable. We do still need about 35 hours of observation time still but we can get everything else done before that.
I'll post the pictures my sister took of us this past weekend as soon as I get them from her. They turned out great!
I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!
~until~
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Home Study!
Today we set up our Home Study! We are getting so close to being licensed. We are very excited about getting this next process done.
~until~
~until~
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Fall is HERE!
Fall has officially arrived in Central Texas. In October we had a few cool nights and cool days but it warmed back up pretty quickly. However for the last week or so it's been beautiful outside. I've noticed the leaves have really started changing colors the last week or so and I love it! We have been leaving our windows open all day and at night, meaning it gets quite cold in here in the mornings, but that's ok by me.
Fall means different things to different people and brings new happenings depending on what you are involved in. Let me explain what I mean: For some it brings the start of Basketball or football. For some it brings the first snow. For me it brings a few things this year. Fall is when we interview for our next years residency class. These are the people that will start on July 1st and be here for 3 years. The current residents are very involved in the interviewing process. This is important to us. It is who the current 1st and 2nd years will work with. For the 3rd years it doesn't impact us quite as much but for me I still feel a sense of responsibility in helping to choose the people that are best for our program. I love it here! I love our program, my fellow residents, my staff, and my hospital. I want what is best for them, which means I want the best of the best for our future residents. During interview "season" we have a pre-interview social at one of the resident's houses once a week. We have had this social at my house 2 times this year. We usually serve dinner to those interviewing as well as the current residents who are here to interact with those interviewing. This allows us to get to know them in an informal way and lets them be more comfortable asking us questions. I really enjoy going to these socials because I get to hang out with good friends and meet lots of neat people.
Something else this fall brought is a job interview for myself. I interviewed today for a Pediatric Hospitalist position here. A pediatric hospitalist is basically a general pediatrician that only takes care of children in the hospital. I don't like working in the clinic so this is perfect for me. Interviewing here was a little odd since I'm already a resident and everyone already knows me. It was basically a way for me to get to ask questions about the future of the Children's Hospital (the new one is currently being built), salary, benefits, and transitioning to a new "role". Like I said, I love it here and would love to stay here for a long time. Jonathan also really likes living here and we have made some wonderful friends. I should find out soon if I got the job.
One other thing this fall brings for us is observation hours. We attended our first Family Link Retreat this past Sunday in Austin. Our foster care agency (Family Link Kids) has a retreat once a month for families in the agency to get together for support, fellowship and training. It allows all of the foster/adopted kids and biological kids to interact with each other. This is also an opportunity for future parents, ie: us, to get some of our observation hours. We got 4 of our 40 hours this weekend. Basically, what happens is that when families with foster children arrive those children are left in the care of future parents and volunteers so that the foster parents can attend training and interact with the other foster parents. We were given a baby who was about a year old and a little girl who was 3. We had a lot of fun playing with the children and getting to know some of the future parents.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I can't wait. We have lots of fun plans with our families coming up. This weekend we are off to Rockwall to my sister and brother-in-laws house. Thanksgiving with my family is on Sunday. It will be fun to hang out with my siblings for the weekend and just have fun. My sister has taken up photography and is going to take some new pictures of me and Jonathan so maybe I can update our photos on here. Then on Wednesday night we are going back to Dallas to have Thanksgiving with Jonathan's family on Thursday afternoon. Should be a week full of fun and food. I hope to put up our Christmas tree sometime in the next week or so!
~until~
PS: to my friend in Dubai, I miss you :)
Fall means different things to different people and brings new happenings depending on what you are involved in. Let me explain what I mean: For some it brings the start of Basketball or football. For some it brings the first snow. For me it brings a few things this year. Fall is when we interview for our next years residency class. These are the people that will start on July 1st and be here for 3 years. The current residents are very involved in the interviewing process. This is important to us. It is who the current 1st and 2nd years will work with. For the 3rd years it doesn't impact us quite as much but for me I still feel a sense of responsibility in helping to choose the people that are best for our program. I love it here! I love our program, my fellow residents, my staff, and my hospital. I want what is best for them, which means I want the best of the best for our future residents. During interview "season" we have a pre-interview social at one of the resident's houses once a week. We have had this social at my house 2 times this year. We usually serve dinner to those interviewing as well as the current residents who are here to interact with those interviewing. This allows us to get to know them in an informal way and lets them be more comfortable asking us questions. I really enjoy going to these socials because I get to hang out with good friends and meet lots of neat people.
Something else this fall brought is a job interview for myself. I interviewed today for a Pediatric Hospitalist position here. A pediatric hospitalist is basically a general pediatrician that only takes care of children in the hospital. I don't like working in the clinic so this is perfect for me. Interviewing here was a little odd since I'm already a resident and everyone already knows me. It was basically a way for me to get to ask questions about the future of the Children's Hospital (the new one is currently being built), salary, benefits, and transitioning to a new "role". Like I said, I love it here and would love to stay here for a long time. Jonathan also really likes living here and we have made some wonderful friends. I should find out soon if I got the job.
One other thing this fall brings for us is observation hours. We attended our first Family Link Retreat this past Sunday in Austin. Our foster care agency (Family Link Kids) has a retreat once a month for families in the agency to get together for support, fellowship and training. It allows all of the foster/adopted kids and biological kids to interact with each other. This is also an opportunity for future parents, ie: us, to get some of our observation hours. We got 4 of our 40 hours this weekend. Basically, what happens is that when families with foster children arrive those children are left in the care of future parents and volunteers so that the foster parents can attend training and interact with the other foster parents. We were given a baby who was about a year old and a little girl who was 3. We had a lot of fun playing with the children and getting to know some of the future parents.
Thanksgiving is just around the corner and I can't wait. We have lots of fun plans with our families coming up. This weekend we are off to Rockwall to my sister and brother-in-laws house. Thanksgiving with my family is on Sunday. It will be fun to hang out with my siblings for the weekend and just have fun. My sister has taken up photography and is going to take some new pictures of me and Jonathan so maybe I can update our photos on here. Then on Wednesday night we are going back to Dallas to have Thanksgiving with Jonathan's family on Thursday afternoon. Should be a week full of fun and food. I hope to put up our Christmas tree sometime in the next week or so!
~until~
PS: to my friend in Dubai, I miss you :)
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Patience...it is a virtue....
The foster care process is taking us longer than we would have hoped. 40 hours of observation is a lot and with my schedule for the next 2 months it's going to be hard to do. I'm sure we can get some of it done but probably not all of it before Christmas. It makes me sad to think that the kids that God has for us won't be here for Christmas but maybe it's because they aren't ready for our home yet.
New month = new rotation in residency land, which is where I live for the next 240 days :) I am on NICU this month and I hate that place. The NICU makes me incredibly sad. These babies are born so early or so sick and sometimes both and often don't have very good outcomes. It also makes me sad because there are lots of babies in the NICU because of their mom's decisions while she was pregnant. Smoking Crack is not good for a baby and often times ends in premature birth and very sick children. That is just one example. All I can do is pray that these little ones will stay as healthy as possible and that the amazing doctors that take care of them will do what is best. The doctors and nurses in the NICU are there of their own kind. They are obviously called and designed for the work they do and for that I am grateful.
I've lately had some sad days. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me or feel bad. I tell you this because I want you to understand. I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been there but sometimes it's nice to hear it from the horse's mouth per say. I've been sad because lots of people I know and am fairly close to are pregnant. It's not just that they are pregnant. It's that it seems to have happened overnight and everyone got pregnant within like 3 months of each other without really trying. Sometimes it's hard to stomach that we have tried for over 2 years and still haven't been pregnant and they try 1 month and poof-a baby. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them. All of them will make great parents, and one already is a wonderful mom, it's just I don't always understand the reasoning behind it and it makes me sad. I tell Jonathan all the time that being a Mom is what I want most in this world. I would give up everything to be a mom. I know that all things are in God's timing. I know this, yet sometimes I still long for what I've been dreaming of my whole life. I also know that maybe it's because there are little ones out there that need us as their foster parents first. Who knows what God's plan is but I have to trust that it is perfect. I also know that God doesn't get mad when I get upset because it seems as if everyone around me is getting to be a mom and I'm still in the shadows, waiting my turn. Like the title says: patience is a virtue....I am still learning this very lesson.
That was random, but it's all for now.
~until~
ps: the dog in the previous post is still up for adoption, he needs a good home :)
New month = new rotation in residency land, which is where I live for the next 240 days :) I am on NICU this month and I hate that place. The NICU makes me incredibly sad. These babies are born so early or so sick and sometimes both and often don't have very good outcomes. It also makes me sad because there are lots of babies in the NICU because of their mom's decisions while she was pregnant. Smoking Crack is not good for a baby and often times ends in premature birth and very sick children. That is just one example. All I can do is pray that these little ones will stay as healthy as possible and that the amazing doctors that take care of them will do what is best. The doctors and nurses in the NICU are there of their own kind. They are obviously called and designed for the work they do and for that I am grateful.
I've lately had some sad days. I don't tell you this to make you feel sorry for me or feel bad. I tell you this because I want you to understand. I don't think anyone truly understands unless they have been there but sometimes it's nice to hear it from the horse's mouth per say. I've been sad because lots of people I know and am fairly close to are pregnant. It's not just that they are pregnant. It's that it seems to have happened overnight and everyone got pregnant within like 3 months of each other without really trying. Sometimes it's hard to stomach that we have tried for over 2 years and still haven't been pregnant and they try 1 month and poof-a baby. Don't get me wrong. I'm happy for them. All of them will make great parents, and one already is a wonderful mom, it's just I don't always understand the reasoning behind it and it makes me sad. I tell Jonathan all the time that being a Mom is what I want most in this world. I would give up everything to be a mom. I know that all things are in God's timing. I know this, yet sometimes I still long for what I've been dreaming of my whole life. I also know that maybe it's because there are little ones out there that need us as their foster parents first. Who knows what God's plan is but I have to trust that it is perfect. I also know that God doesn't get mad when I get upset because it seems as if everyone around me is getting to be a mom and I'm still in the shadows, waiting my turn. Like the title says: patience is a virtue....I am still learning this very lesson.
That was random, but it's all for now.
~until~
ps: the dog in the previous post is still up for adoption, he needs a good home :)
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Dog for Adoption
I need my blog friends help, or anyone you may happen to know. My little sister has been fostering a dog for the last 6 months. She got him from the Leo Rescue and he needs a new home. Here is what she wrote about him and a picture. If you or anyone you know is interested please let me know.
We started fostering Koda a little over 6 months ago for Leonberger Rescue. Anyone interested will have to fill out an application with Leo Rescue.
Koda will be 4 yrs old in December. He is very tall, but also very skinny. We can't seem to put much weight on him; he currently weighs in around 100 pounds.
Koda is probably one of the sweetest must loving dogs you will ever come in contact with. He is a big cuddle bug, he is always trying to get in everyone’s lap. He is great on a leash and loves most other dogs. He currently goes to day care everyday and gets along with dogs of all sizes. In fact the staff often tells us that all the small dogs love Koda and tend to lay on his fur and tail.
Due to Koda's past he does have a few things that need work. He has some separation anxiety tendencies. He doesn't do well with crates, so crating is more than likely not an option without extensive training. Due to the anxiety he does sometimes have accidents in the house when left alone. He also was a little destructive at first and took the liberty of chomping a few door knobs. The good news is that all of these things have improved over the past 6 months. He hardly ever has accidents anymore and hasn't been destructive at all.
Koda was also not exposed to children; therefore he would do better in a home without small children. He does great with my 4 yr old nieces, but has shown fear to other children of similar age. He does great with all adults, including strangers and men.
If anyone interested has any questions please feel free to ask.
Thanks for the help. Another blog post to come soon.
~until~
Koda will be 4 yrs old in December. He is very tall, but also very skinny. We can't seem to put much weight on him; he currently weighs in around 100 pounds.
Koda is probably one of the sweetest must loving dogs you will ever come in contact with. He is a big cuddle bug, he is always trying to get in everyone’s lap. He is great on a leash and loves most other dogs. He currently goes to day care everyday and gets along with dogs of all sizes. In fact the staff often tells us that all the small dogs love Koda and tend to lay on his fur and tail.
Due to Koda's past he does have a few things that need work. He has some separation anxiety tendencies. He doesn't do well with crates, so crating is more than likely not an option without extensive training. Due to the anxiety he does sometimes have accidents in the house when left alone. He also was a little destructive at first and took the liberty of chomping a few door knobs. The good news is that all of these things have improved over the past 6 months. He hardly ever has accidents anymore and hasn't been destructive at all.
Koda was also not exposed to children; therefore he would do better in a home without small children. He does great with my 4 yr old nieces, but has shown fear to other children of similar age. He does great with all adults, including strangers and men.
If anyone interested has any questions please feel free to ask.
Thanks for the help. Another blog post to come soon.
~until~
Thursday, October 21, 2010
A "Fair" Weekend!
This past weekend was a blast. We went to Dallas Friday night. Friday we ate dinner with Jonathan's mom and then went to my sister's house in Rockwall and played Ping Pong until way too late. Saturday morning came early and we enjoyed some garage sale shopping (where I found a changing table in excellent shape for $10), shopping at Macy's, Sonic Happy Hour and then headed to the State Fair. I haven't been to the state fair in about 6 years. The last time I went was with 2 great roommates to see a Brad Paisley concert and it was pouring down rain. This time we went to meander, hang with my family, and eat fried food. Here's a list of the foods we ate, but we shared most of it with each other: Tater twisters with cheese (kind of a cross between a french fry and potato chips), Fletcher's Corn Dog, fried frito pie, fried s'mores, sausage on a stick, cotton candy, funnel cake, fried cheesecake. Now we can all have a heart attack. After the fair Jonathan and I headed back to his Mom's house to hang out with them some more. We spent most of the day Sunday with his Mom, which was fun. I've been on "vacation" this week. It's been more like a "staycation" but I don't care. Sleeping in, lounging around, not having anything in particular that needs to be done has been fabulous and I'll be sad wen Monday comes along. Today I got a hair cut, actually I got about 4 inches cut off, so now my hair is pretty short but really cute :). Today I also tried my hand at making a changing pad cover that matches the "little kid" room decor. It turned out pretty cute. I'll have to take pictures of the kids rooms and post them on here sometime. Tonight we are having a pre-interview social at a friends house. Last Thursday it was at my house and there were about 25 people there. This week I volunteered to make the desserts since my friend who is hosting said "I'm a disaster in the kitchen". I made cookies and cream cheesecake and a 4 layer delight. Should be tasty. Tomorrow I'm going to finish my application for my future job, work on my supporting documents for my Texas Medical License, catch up on some laundry and hopefully just lounge around the house.
The last cycle of meds I took worked but I didn't get pregnant. We have decided to take a break for a few months and in the spring start back up. I need an emotional and physical break from the hormones and disappointment when the tests are negative. This will also give us more time and energy to focus on our foster care plans. We are hoping to be licensed by Thanksgiving, which means we need to get busy with our observation hours and scheduling our home study. I can't imagine how amazing Christmas will be this year with children in our home to share it with.
~until~
The last cycle of meds I took worked but I didn't get pregnant. We have decided to take a break for a few months and in the spring start back up. I need an emotional and physical break from the hormones and disappointment when the tests are negative. This will also give us more time and energy to focus on our foster care plans. We are hoping to be licensed by Thanksgiving, which means we need to get busy with our observation hours and scheduling our home study. I can't imagine how amazing Christmas will be this year with children in our home to share it with.
~until~
Monday, October 11, 2010
Ramblings.....
So it stormed here tonight. The kind with lightning streaking across the sky, my favorite. It always reminds me of a summer when I was a kid. We were at Lake Texoma with my family, somewhere we went often as kids. A summer storm was coming. My dad loaded all the kids in the car and drove us out to the end of the road. Somewhere where there were no lights, no people, nothing. Just us, the lake, the bluffs, and the trees. We sat in the car and watched the lightning for what seemed like hours. It was almost magical. We would see how many streaks would come off a bolt and what color it would make the sky and clouds. It makes me smile just to think about it. Life was simple then. No cares. Your dad in the car to "protect you". I still love to watch thunderstorms roll in and would be sad to live somewhere where there weren't storms. I love the sound of the lightning cracking and the thunder rolling.
I wonder why I get more upset when I learn of one person being pregnant than when I learn of someone else. People I know pretty equally well. Hmmm?
I'm starting to get frustrated with the foster care process. It seems like every time I think we are nearing the end something else comes up that needs to be done. Why do they have to make it so difficult to be a foster parent? I mean, we are willing to take in other peoples children, children likely to have emotional, and sometimes physical injuries and yet they make it incredibly difficult to be a foster parent. I know that they are trying to ensure that these fragile children are placed in safe and secure homes, but some of it seems a little ridiculous. Oh well, we will jump through all the hoops and hopefully be done before Thanksgiving.
I just want to be a mom.....
~until~
I wonder why I get more upset when I learn of one person being pregnant than when I learn of someone else. People I know pretty equally well. Hmmm?
I'm starting to get frustrated with the foster care process. It seems like every time I think we are nearing the end something else comes up that needs to be done. Why do they have to make it so difficult to be a foster parent? I mean, we are willing to take in other peoples children, children likely to have emotional, and sometimes physical injuries and yet they make it incredibly difficult to be a foster parent. I know that they are trying to ensure that these fragile children are placed in safe and secure homes, but some of it seems a little ridiculous. Oh well, we will jump through all the hoops and hopefully be done before Thanksgiving.
I just want to be a mom.....
~until~
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Weekend...
This past weekend was a full one. I took Friday off because I knew we had a ton of things to get done. Friday morning we moved all the stuff from the storage that we were sharing with my parents to a smaller storage with just our stuff in it and transported all of their stuff to our garage so they could take it home on Sunday. Then we went and got fingerprinted for our foster care stuff. Want to know something really annoying? I have to get fingerprinted for our foster care stuff and I have to get finger printed for my medical license this year. Logically you would think that fingerprinting for the FBI would only need to be done once and would work for all things needed, NOPE, I have to pay the $50.00 to be re-fingerprinted at the same place and do exactly the same thing for my license, sounds like someone wants money to me :( Ok, off of that topic. Back to the weekend. Friday afternoon we went to lunch and then came home and rested for a little while. Friday evening we started getting things ready for our garage sale that was going to be on Saturday morning. We also put together a bed. I guess I should have started my weekend with Thursday night. Thursday night we bought a set of bunkbeds and a separate twin bed from a guy off of craigslist for our rooms. That means that Friday night we needed to put one of the beds together so my mom would have a place to sleep. A friend gave us 2 free box springs, which was a huge help! Friday night after all was said and done we didn't get in bed until after midnight. Saturday we got up at 7 am for the garage sale and moved more furniture outside to sell. We managed to make back all the money we have spent on the crib that we purchased as well as the twin bed and bunk beds plus some, so that's good. I had bedding for the twin bed that is in the "little kid room" with the crib but I needed to buy sheets and comforters for the bunk beds. I found a steal of a deal at Target on comforters and some really cute coordinating sheets at Wal-mart for pretty cheap. Now I just need to make the curtains in the "big kid room" and we will be set except for we still need 2 dressers and a changing table. Sunday involved rest, cleaning, laundry, and I worked on a huge presentation that I have at work on Wednesday. Then Dinner with friends and home to bed. Whew, I'm tired just remembering it.
We have pretty much everything completed now except for our observation hours. Hopefully we will be able to get those done pretty quickly and get kids in our home before Thanksgiving. I'm faxing the remainder of our paper work tomorrow. Tonight and tomorrow night will consist of me getting ready for my presentation. Then on to my application for my future job.
Until
We have pretty much everything completed now except for our observation hours. Hopefully we will be able to get those done pretty quickly and get kids in our home before Thanksgiving. I'm faxing the remainder of our paper work tomorrow. Tonight and tomorrow night will consist of me getting ready for my presentation. Then on to my application for my future job.
Until
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Preparations......
We have been preparing our home for our future child/children. I honestly think it's harder to prepare for foster kids than it is to prepare for a baby. With a baby you know when they are coming, what they will need, and often times the sex of the baby. With foster kids you don't know any of that. We bought a crib this weekend and put it together today. We still need twin beds/captains bed/trundle bed. We also still need dressers, sheets, blankets, etc. We are waiting for our agency to give us the names and numbers of families in our area so we can do our observation hours. We have some training this week, are making an appointment for fingerprinting and then we will pretty much be done except for our home study. It's fun to set up the rooms for our future kids.
On the infertility journey....I have an appointment tomorrow to see if my meds worked this month. We are anxious to see what happens this time. We have decided that if this cycle doesn't end in pregnancy we are going to stop trying for a few months and pick it back up in the spring. I'm tired of the meds and side effects as well as the monthly disappointment.
Until
On the infertility journey....I have an appointment tomorrow to see if my meds worked this month. We are anxious to see what happens this time. We have decided that if this cycle doesn't end in pregnancy we are going to stop trying for a few months and pick it back up in the spring. I'm tired of the meds and side effects as well as the monthly disappointment.
Until
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Don't Forget!
Monday, September 27th is the day that Chili's will donate 100% of their proceeds to Saint Jude Children's Research Hospital for childhood cancer research. All Chili's in the US are participating.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
A Few Steps Closer
We are a few steps closer to having things complete for our foster application. Our health and fire inspection were this week and we passed. We have our CPR/First Aid training next week and then we will basically be done besides our home study and our observation hours. They are working on getting us a list of families in our area that we can work with to get our hours.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Hurdles
We have finished our foster classes! We are so excited to be done with this part. This week was much more informative than last. We do however have a few more hurdles to clear in this. A new requirement is 40 hours of us being observed with foster kids. This is new as of this month and is a little frustrating. We are so close to being done with the whole process and now this comes up. I told Jonathan the other day that I feel like we are having to fight to be parents. Fighting to get pregnant, fighting to foster, fighting to adopt. The number of children waiting for foster and adoptive families is astonishing and heart breaking. We can't wait until we are finally parents. I ask that you pray for us on this journey. Also, pray for the children who God has for us and that He will prdotect them.
~until~
~until~
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Foster Classes and Something Much More IMPORTANT!
Briefly, foster classes last Saturday were good. It was interesting to see a non-pediatrician view into child development and medications. We learned a lot and are looking forward to going back on Saturday.
Now, the more important thing!
Did you know that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month? Most likely not. Almost everyone knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and the world is covered in pink to raise money for this. What about childhood cancer. Did you know that Gold is the color for Childhood Cancer awareness? I have some statistics for you:
*Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer.
*On the average 12,500 children and teens will be diagnosed with some form of cancer each year in this country.
*One in 330 children will develop cancer by age 20.
*Although the 5 year survival rate is steadily increasing, one quarter of children will die 5 years from the time of diagnosis.
*Cancer remains the #1 disease killer of America's children - more than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Asthma and AIDS combined.
*In the U.S. almost 3,000 children do not survive cancer each year.
*Over the past two decades, only ONE new cancer drug has been approved for pediatric use.
*Currently there are between 30-40,000 children undergoing cancer treatment in the U.S.
*As a nation, we spend over $14 BILLION per year on the space program, but only $35 MILLION on Childhood Cancer Research each year.
*There are 15 children diagnosed with cancer for every one child diagnosed with pediatric AIDS. Yet, the U.S. invests approximiately $595,000 for research per victim of pediatric AIDS and only $20,000 for each victim of childhood cancer.
*Research funds are scarce as most money is diverted to well-publicized adult forms of cancer, such as breast and prostate.
*Right now, this second, somewhere in America, there are 7 children fighting for their lives who won't live through the day.
Those statistics SUCK! How can we as a nation ignore this? Maybe I know too many people affected by childhood cancer because of my job, but I personally think that as a nation we shouldn't stand by and do nothing. Do I think that people should support other cancer research programs, yes, because Cancer SUCKS and we need to do something about it.
What Can You Do about Childhood Cancer:
1. Wear Gold and when people ask you why tell them! Help get the word out that this is killing kids.
2. On September 27th go to Chili's! That's right, Chili's will be donating 100% of their profits that night to St. Judes Children's Research Hospital to go towards childhood cancer research. Any Chili's in the country is participating!
3. Donate Blood! Children receiving chemotherapy and having surgery require multiple blood transfusions, every person counts!
4. Join the national bone marrow registry. Simply go here: http://www.marrow.org/ to find out how. It is painless to join and who knows, maybe you could save a person's life?
5. Support this: http://www.46mommas.com/ This is 46 moms from across the country who shaved their heads together to raise money for childhood cancer research. There stories are inspiring.
6. Buy things: www.mythirtyone.com/jentufford is the catalog. Go to: http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/catalog.aspx?eventId=E285033&from=DIRECTLINK to purchase. 10% of proceeds go to 46 Mommas until 5pm on Sept. 24th.
7. Pray for the children and families affected by childhood cancer and for the doctors that are trying to come up with cures
Until!
Now, the more important thing!
Did you know that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness month? Most likely not. Almost everyone knows that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month and the world is covered in pink to raise money for this. What about childhood cancer. Did you know that Gold is the color for Childhood Cancer awareness? I have some statistics for you:
*Each school day, 46 children are diagnosed with cancer.
*On the average 12,500 children and teens will be diagnosed with some form of cancer each year in this country.
*One in 330 children will develop cancer by age 20.
*Although the 5 year survival rate is steadily increasing, one quarter of children will die 5 years from the time of diagnosis.
*Cancer remains the #1 disease killer of America's children - more than Cystic Fibrosis, Muscular Dystrophy, Asthma and AIDS combined.
*In the U.S. almost 3,000 children do not survive cancer each year.
*Over the past two decades, only ONE new cancer drug has been approved for pediatric use.
*Currently there are between 30-40,000 children undergoing cancer treatment in the U.S.
*As a nation, we spend over $14 BILLION per year on the space program, but only $35 MILLION on Childhood Cancer Research each year.
*There are 15 children diagnosed with cancer for every one child diagnosed with pediatric AIDS. Yet, the U.S. invests approximiately $595,000 for research per victim of pediatric AIDS and only $20,000 for each victim of childhood cancer.
*Research funds are scarce as most money is diverted to well-publicized adult forms of cancer, such as breast and prostate.
*Right now, this second, somewhere in America, there are 7 children fighting for their lives who won't live through the day.
Those statistics SUCK! How can we as a nation ignore this? Maybe I know too many people affected by childhood cancer because of my job, but I personally think that as a nation we shouldn't stand by and do nothing. Do I think that people should support other cancer research programs, yes, because Cancer SUCKS and we need to do something about it.
What Can You Do about Childhood Cancer:
1. Wear Gold and when people ask you why tell them! Help get the word out that this is killing kids.
2. On September 27th go to Chili's! That's right, Chili's will be donating 100% of their profits that night to St. Judes Children's Research Hospital to go towards childhood cancer research. Any Chili's in the country is participating!
3. Donate Blood! Children receiving chemotherapy and having surgery require multiple blood transfusions, every person counts!
4. Join the national bone marrow registry. Simply go here: http://www.marrow.org/ to find out how. It is painless to join and who knows, maybe you could save a person's life?
5. Support this: http://www.46mommas.com/ This is 46 moms from across the country who shaved their heads together to raise money for childhood cancer research. There stories are inspiring.
6. Buy things: www.mythirtyone.com/jentufford is the catalog. Go to: http://www.mythirtyone.com/shop/catalog.aspx?eventId=E285033&from=DIRECTLINK to purchase. 10% of proceeds go to 46 Mommas until 5pm on Sept. 24th.
7. Pray for the children and families affected by childhood cancer and for the doctors that are trying to come up with cures
Until!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Another One Come and Gone
So yet another month of the infertility journey has passed, without a baby made :( It wasn't a complete failure this time though. I did make 4 eggs!! That's right, 4, my best number yet! And I ovulated great according to my labs, woohoo!! We learned that there is about a 16% chance of getting pregnant per egg that is released. They only gave me half my normal dose of HCG to make me ovulate this time in an effort to keep me from ovulating all of my eggs so I wouldn't be a mom to quads :) The funny thing is when he saw the 4 eggs he said that we would only go forward with this if I understood the complications associated with higher order multiples. Then he looked from me to Jonathan and said never mind, you are a Pediatrician, you understand better than I do. I thought it was funny anyways. I enjoyed messing with Jonathan about the prospect of possibly having more than 1 or even 2 babies. But alas, we did not conceive this time :( We shall try again soon.
We are getting excited about our foster care class that starts this weekend. Tomorrow we are supposed to listen in on a conference call that is supposedly to help us understand the process just a little better before class on Saturday. We still have quite a few things that we have to get done before we can be certified, such as: get family members and future temporary care givers (aka babysitters) to fill out back ground check info, get an affadavit notarized for both of us, get our house inspected by the health and fire departments, Jonathan needs CPR and first aid training, and I actually have to have first aid training just for a card that says I completed it, which sounds a little absurd to me. We also still have to have our home study, turn in papers saying our dog is healthy and up to date on his shots, and prove that our gun is locked separately from the ammo. All this and attend 2 very full Saturdays of teaching. I'm sure I'm forgetting something because there is a lot to be completed.
The other thing we need to get done is clean out the office/sewing room so we can rearrange some furniture to make room for kiddos. There are rules about how many square feet per child are needed in a bedroom and how many kids can share one room as well as rules saying that children over 5 that are of opposite sex can't share a room. Since we said we would take 0-14 we will need a separate room for the older kid/ kids. I think we have decided to put the guest bed in the office with the desk and a chest of drawers. We will put a twin bed and a crib with a dresser and maybe a toy box and book shelf in the room that is now the guest room. Now we just need to find some of this furniture cheap! If anyone has any baby furniture, twin bed, dresser, etc they want to get rid of we may be willing to take it!
On a completely different note I made 2 pans of homemade lasagna tonight and my house now smells wonderful! Why 2 pans you may ask, we were really hungry of course, j/k :) One is for the awesome PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care) nurses and attendings who helped me survive one of my most difficult months last month. The other is for our foster care class this weekend. They have everyone bring something that you can share for a pot luck lunch and then we all pitch in and buy pizza for dinner since it is such a long day.
Until!
We are getting excited about our foster care class that starts this weekend. Tomorrow we are supposed to listen in on a conference call that is supposedly to help us understand the process just a little better before class on Saturday. We still have quite a few things that we have to get done before we can be certified, such as: get family members and future temporary care givers (aka babysitters) to fill out back ground check info, get an affadavit notarized for both of us, get our house inspected by the health and fire departments, Jonathan needs CPR and first aid training, and I actually have to have first aid training just for a card that says I completed it, which sounds a little absurd to me. We also still have to have our home study, turn in papers saying our dog is healthy and up to date on his shots, and prove that our gun is locked separately from the ammo. All this and attend 2 very full Saturdays of teaching. I'm sure I'm forgetting something because there is a lot to be completed.
The other thing we need to get done is clean out the office/sewing room so we can rearrange some furniture to make room for kiddos. There are rules about how many square feet per child are needed in a bedroom and how many kids can share one room as well as rules saying that children over 5 that are of opposite sex can't share a room. Since we said we would take 0-14 we will need a separate room for the older kid/ kids. I think we have decided to put the guest bed in the office with the desk and a chest of drawers. We will put a twin bed and a crib with a dresser and maybe a toy box and book shelf in the room that is now the guest room. Now we just need to find some of this furniture cheap! If anyone has any baby furniture, twin bed, dresser, etc they want to get rid of we may be willing to take it!
On a completely different note I made 2 pans of homemade lasagna tonight and my house now smells wonderful! Why 2 pans you may ask, we were really hungry of course, j/k :) One is for the awesome PICU (Pediatric Intensive Care) nurses and attendings who helped me survive one of my most difficult months last month. The other is for our foster care class this weekend. They have everyone bring something that you can share for a pot luck lunch and then we all pitch in and buy pizza for dinner since it is such a long day.
Until!
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tired
I am tired. Tired of this whole infertility thing. Tired of the emotional roller coaster. Hopes up and then dashed, just like that. You know what else I'm tired of, people complaining. Not just regular complaining, but complaining about how they feel when pregnant, not getting enough sleep when their baby wakes up every 2 hours cause they are hungry. Not being back to a great pre-pregnancy body. Do you know what I would give to have those things. I would love to be woken up every 2 hours to the sound of my baby, or to feel nausea because I am pregnant with one of God's most amazing creations. Those things mean that you have been blessed beyond measure and people complain.
Monday, September 6, 2010
A New Blog to Follow
So I may be slightly addicted to following other people's blogs, but through this I have learned a great deal about adoption and infertility. I have added a button to the left side of my blog that shows an "Angel of the week". This is through Reece's Rainbow, which is an organization for special needs children adoption advocacy. They help make people aware of the children waiting as well as help raise funds to bring these beautiful little ones home. Please pray for this organization and the children they are supporting. Maybe someone out there is the perfect home for one of these children?
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
To Classes We Shall Go!
We are officially signed up for foster care classes next month. It's one more step that has to happen before our home study. It's really exciting to watch this play out in front of our eyes. I love following what God has planned for us and seeing how perfectly it works. Off to work I must go. More later!
Until!
Until!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
It's In!
We faxed our application in a few days ago! We still have "supporting documents" that have to be filled out, like our dogs updated vaccines, fingerprinting, etc. but the main part of the application is in! I am super excited about this and can't wait until we are licensed in the next few months. Hopefully if we can get everything together quickly we can be licensed at the end of September and have a child, or children, in our home in October! Someone asked me the other day what we were going to do if we got pregnant since we are still taking fertility medicine and still trying each month to have a baby. My answer to that question is bring it on! The more children the merrier in my book. Will we have to make some adjustments, sure, but that's fine by me. If God wants to bless us with more than 1 child then who am I to complain about it. As one of my friends said, "it's Kristy, she likes dealing with chaos, she'll be fine", haha. I'd write more but it's off to work I must go :(
Until!
Until!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Process
And.......I'm back. Wow work has been crazy lately. I worked on our foster care application while I was on nights and Jonathan has finished filling out the parts that I couldn't. I'm pretty sure the main application is finished. Now we send it in and wait. Hopefully we can take classes next month. They said that the process can take as long as we want basically. We have to have a home study, home health and fire inspection, Jonathan needs to be CPR/First Aid Certified, we have to have background checks and fingerprints done all before we can be licensed. Whew, that's a lot of stuff. The application packet is HUGE!!!! We are really looking forward to this. Last night we discussed the age ranges of children we would be comfortable with as well as the disabilities we would be comfortable with. Those are hard questions to think about. We know that lots of children need a home and that older kids are the ones that are the hardest to place but I think I understand why. We have agreed to allow newborn to 14 year olds with no or some disabilities. We don't want to accept very medically fragile children. It's not fair to ask Jonathan to have to adapt to that life style, plus, I see children like that at work everyday and I can't see them at home too, they make me sad. We are going to take the teenagers on a case by case basis. I am not very sure of my abilities to parent a teenager at this point in my life, but if God wants us to have a teenager then we will take them. We are soon going to be cleaning the office out to make room for the guest bed so we can turn the guest room into the kids room. We are looking for furniture and toys/books to have on hand. I feel like we are pretty prepared for a baby since we have sippy cups, a high chair, diaper bag, changing pad, etc from having Andrea here so often.
On a different note: My fertility specialist started me on Metformin to help me ovulate. Once I got past the side effects it hasn't bothered me too much. I just started taking another round of Clomid and hopefully we will ovulate and conceive soon :)
Until!
On a different note: My fertility specialist started me on Metformin to help me ovulate. Once I got past the side effects it hasn't bothered me too much. I just started taking another round of Clomid and hopefully we will ovulate and conceive soon :)
Until!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
New Development!
Where to begin? I guess where we left off last time. The round of clomid in July didn't work:( I have started taking Metformin to help the clomid work and next round in a few weeks we will increase the dose of clomid yet again. This whole process is exhausting. I have my good and bad days, but good days definitely out way the bad. We shall see what happens. Delayed gratification has been the story of my life.
On a different note we have begun filling out foster care/adoption paperwork. We have looked into a bunch of different agencies and have decided to go with Family Link out of Austin. They are a Christian agency and the people are super nice. We will be attending classes in September and hopefully licensed at the end of September. We are doing foster and foster to adopt and are super excited about this. We know that this is where God is leading us.
Our lives are crazy busy like always, but we are enjoying it! God had really blessed us.
Until
On a different note we have begun filling out foster care/adoption paperwork. We have looked into a bunch of different agencies and have decided to go with Family Link out of Austin. They are a Christian agency and the people are super nice. We will be attending classes in September and hopefully licensed at the end of September. We are doing foster and foster to adopt and are super excited about this. We know that this is where God is leading us.
Our lives are crazy busy like always, but we are enjoying it! God had really blessed us.
Until
Monday, July 19, 2010
Wishes
There are so many things i wish for. What I would love is for other women to share their infertility journey. The inspiration for this blog actually stems from another blog I read where the woman struggled with infertility, then had a baby in the NICU and now has a beautiful toddler. Reading her story really has helped me to see that there is a light at then end of this tunnel.
One of the most difficult things about dealing with infertility is the feeling of loneliness on this journey. You know that there are other people out there with a similar situation, but you still feel so alone. I actually happen to know a few people who are pretty much in the same situation as me, or have been. I don't know if knowing that other people are dealing with this makes it easier because "misery loves company" or if it's because you know that others can relate and also see the success stories.
It seems that more and more people I know are having babies. I actually received a call from a family member a few days ago letting me know that her sister is pregnant. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of her calling me instead of me finding out in person or seeing it on the internet. I'm happy for this person. I'm happy for anyone I know to have a baby, it just takes some time to feel that joy. One of the hardest things is having someone tell you in person that they are pregnant and having to show joy right that moment when you are also feeling pain. It's much easier to be properly happy for that person when you have a chance to process the news in private. It's also hard to be invited to multiple baby showers and I would like people to know that sometimes it hurts to much to go. I don't want my friends/family members thinking I'm not happy for them, because I am. I love that they are being blessed with what I think is God's most amazing creation. I also know that my friends are going to make some of the most amazing parents in the world.
My wish for this blog is to have people understand a little more about the infertility journey, some of the feelings that go along with that, and also to maybe help another woman or couple going through something similar.
Until!
One of the most difficult things about dealing with infertility is the feeling of loneliness on this journey. You know that there are other people out there with a similar situation, but you still feel so alone. I actually happen to know a few people who are pretty much in the same situation as me, or have been. I don't know if knowing that other people are dealing with this makes it easier because "misery loves company" or if it's because you know that others can relate and also see the success stories.
It seems that more and more people I know are having babies. I actually received a call from a family member a few days ago letting me know that her sister is pregnant. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of her calling me instead of me finding out in person or seeing it on the internet. I'm happy for this person. I'm happy for anyone I know to have a baby, it just takes some time to feel that joy. One of the hardest things is having someone tell you in person that they are pregnant and having to show joy right that moment when you are also feeling pain. It's much easier to be properly happy for that person when you have a chance to process the news in private. It's also hard to be invited to multiple baby showers and I would like people to know that sometimes it hurts to much to go. I don't want my friends/family members thinking I'm not happy for them, because I am. I love that they are being blessed with what I think is God's most amazing creation. I also know that my friends are going to make some of the most amazing parents in the world.
My wish for this blog is to have people understand a little more about the infertility journey, some of the feelings that go along with that, and also to maybe help another woman or couple going through something similar.
Until!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Hope
Hope is "a general feeling that some desire will be fulfilled" (dictionary). I would venture to say that everyone in the world has hope for something. Hope for a better job, a healthy life, a happy family, more money, food to eat, a friend to share life with, the list could go on. I know that there are many things I hope for: A child to love, a baby in my womb, to see the joy on Jonathan's face when he meets his child for the first time, a love filled marriage, and the list could go on for a very long time.
Do you know what the opposite of hope is? It's despair "a state in which all hope is lost or absent" (dictionary). I don't think I felt despair this week, not in the literal definition of the word. I did feel immense sadness that we had not conceived. Sadness that some of the things I hope for have yet to occur. However, not despair. I saw despair today. On the face of a mom in the hospital who was losing her baby. I hope that I never have to experience that, that no one has to experience that. Do you know what it looked like? It looked like the world was coming to an end. Like it took all of her energy just to stand up. You could almost see the rip in her heart.
It really made me think. I had just been talking to a friend about the injustice of life. Going to work and taking care of babies that people have abused has always been difficult. It is even more difficult when you would love nothing more in the world than to have the privilege to be a mom and someone else threw that opportunity down the drain. However, the sadness that comes with that can't even touch the despair I saw today.
What else can I hope in? The Bible tells me to have hope in the Lord. He is the one who has saved me, after all. That hope is what gives me peace. I know that everything happens in His time. However, just because I know that is the case, it doesn't always make me feel better. I don't think that questioning how things are, being sad that something you long for isn't here, makes God angry, or me less of a Christian. I know who He is, what He is capable of (heck I've seen miracles first hand), and that He promises to take care of me. I know all of those things, and yet I still feel sadness. I also know and believe that everything will work out according to His purpose and plan. It's this belief that keeps me going, especially on days like today.
Until!
Do you know what the opposite of hope is? It's despair "a state in which all hope is lost or absent" (dictionary). I don't think I felt despair this week, not in the literal definition of the word. I did feel immense sadness that we had not conceived. Sadness that some of the things I hope for have yet to occur. However, not despair. I saw despair today. On the face of a mom in the hospital who was losing her baby. I hope that I never have to experience that, that no one has to experience that. Do you know what it looked like? It looked like the world was coming to an end. Like it took all of her energy just to stand up. You could almost see the rip in her heart.
It really made me think. I had just been talking to a friend about the injustice of life. Going to work and taking care of babies that people have abused has always been difficult. It is even more difficult when you would love nothing more in the world than to have the privilege to be a mom and someone else threw that opportunity down the drain. However, the sadness that comes with that can't even touch the despair I saw today.
What else can I hope in? The Bible tells me to have hope in the Lord. He is the one who has saved me, after all. That hope is what gives me peace. I know that everything happens in His time. However, just because I know that is the case, it doesn't always make me feel better. I don't think that questioning how things are, being sad that something you long for isn't here, makes God angry, or me less of a Christian. I know who He is, what He is capable of (heck I've seen miracles first hand), and that He promises to take care of me. I know all of those things, and yet I still feel sadness. I also know and believe that everything will work out according to His purpose and plan. It's this belief that keeps me going, especially on days like today.
Until!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Creativity
This is mostly going to be a photo post. Photos of some of the things I have made over the past year or so. Sewing is my stress relief. When I go into my sewing room and start creating things I'm able to escape the chaos for a short time. Plus, it's so much fun to make things for people I love!
Take 2
So we are on to the second successful cycle of Clomid. Successful being that the dose that I am on worked to help me to develop a follicle. Now we wait. Wait to see if I ovulate, wait to see if I get pregnant. That's the worst part about this all, the waiting. You try so hard not to get your hopes up, so hard to tell yourself that it will be ok if this cycle doesn't work, yet you don't really believe any of it.
It's hard for me to realize that this is only our second cycle. I have been taking Clomid since the beginning of January and I don't really remember how many cycles I have been through. However, the first time that the medicine worked was in late April when I reached the maximum dose. So we have been on the infertility journey involving the doctors for 6 months but the first 4 months still don't count towards the total. I was talking to my fertility specialist the other day, asking questions about what's next, etc. He says that you should give it 4-5 cycles of successful Clomid before going on to do further testing/interventions. He knows that we are not willing to do in-vitro fertilization. I can't make myself pay $20-30,000 per cycle on the chance that I could get pregnant when there are thousands of children in this world who need a Mommy and Daddy, not to mention the stress that it puts on a marriage. Our fertility specialist seems to think that I have a really good chance of getting pregnant just on Clomid, so I will trust him.
Where does God fit in all of this? Well, He fits at the beginning, where He belongs. Jonathan and I truly believe that everything will happen within God's timing. Does this mean that we shouldn't seek medical help? No, God placed doctors in our lives for a reason. Do I often ask God why us? Of course, but I know that He can handle it. He can handle our anger, frustration, questions, and pain. He has endured much more than we have and knows what it is like to hurt. I also know that I go to him daily thanking him for what He has done for us. I have been reading a book called "Hannah's Hope" which was recommended to me by a friend who also struggled with infertility. It's a fabulous book. It's based on Hannah from 1 Samuel. Hannah also longed for a child while those close to her seemed to have no trouble conceiving. This book has helped me to realize that I am not alone in this journey. I always knew that Jonathan was part of the journey too, but it still seemed so lonely here. This book really helped me to not feel like a failure and helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I know that everything will work out when it is supposed to, however the human part of me still worries about it.
I have another post coming soon, not at all pertaining to infertility.
Until!
It's hard for me to realize that this is only our second cycle. I have been taking Clomid since the beginning of January and I don't really remember how many cycles I have been through. However, the first time that the medicine worked was in late April when I reached the maximum dose. So we have been on the infertility journey involving the doctors for 6 months but the first 4 months still don't count towards the total. I was talking to my fertility specialist the other day, asking questions about what's next, etc. He says that you should give it 4-5 cycles of successful Clomid before going on to do further testing/interventions. He knows that we are not willing to do in-vitro fertilization. I can't make myself pay $20-30,000 per cycle on the chance that I could get pregnant when there are thousands of children in this world who need a Mommy and Daddy, not to mention the stress that it puts on a marriage. Our fertility specialist seems to think that I have a really good chance of getting pregnant just on Clomid, so I will trust him.
Where does God fit in all of this? Well, He fits at the beginning, where He belongs. Jonathan and I truly believe that everything will happen within God's timing. Does this mean that we shouldn't seek medical help? No, God placed doctors in our lives for a reason. Do I often ask God why us? Of course, but I know that He can handle it. He can handle our anger, frustration, questions, and pain. He has endured much more than we have and knows what it is like to hurt. I also know that I go to him daily thanking him for what He has done for us. I have been reading a book called "Hannah's Hope" which was recommended to me by a friend who also struggled with infertility. It's a fabulous book. It's based on Hannah from 1 Samuel. Hannah also longed for a child while those close to her seemed to have no trouble conceiving. This book has helped me to realize that I am not alone in this journey. I always knew that Jonathan was part of the journey too, but it still seemed so lonely here. This book really helped me to not feel like a failure and helped me to look at things from a different perspective. I know that everything will work out when it is supposed to, however the human part of me still worries about it.
I have another post coming soon, not at all pertaining to infertility.
Until!
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Big Changes
There are big changes in our future and I'm excited! This week I was talking with my mentor at work about my future. She also had infertility issues and is about 25 years older than me. She is one of my favorite staff at the hospital and I really learn a lot from her and her wisdom. We were talking about my fertility journey and the fact that Jonathan and I are getting frustrated. I told her that we had decided that if we weren't pregnant by early fall we would be stopping the fertility treatments and start pursuing adoption a little more. I don't want to be in the "thick of it" as my grandpa says when we are moving for my fellowship training. That is when she dropped the bomb.......
"do you really have to go to fellowship this year?" "What is the most important to you?" "If I had to do it again I would have put off my career for a few years so I could have spent more time trying to have my daughter. You can be a doctor forever but you only have a few years to become a mom"
Such insight. I hadn't even thought of it that way. I was just thinking that I needed to go to fellowship because it was what I wanted to do. ER is what I love to do. I would love being a mom more though. She had me thinking, and thinking hard. I drove home from work that day and over dinner started talking it over with Jonathan. I should just stop right here and tell y'all how awesome my husband is. I met him the week before I started medical school. He has supported me through 6 of the craziest years ever. Years where my schedule took me away from him, where I was stressed out, happy and sad days, failures and accomplishments. He is exactly what a Godly husband should be. Ok, on to the story. So I told him what my mentor had said and what I thought about it. I was thinking, "you know, it may be a good idea to take a year to work as a general pediatrician before going to fellowship so we can pursue having a family". He brought up the option of maybe taking more than a year, maybe a few years. He has always wanted to finish his college degree but because he has been working full time to support us while I've been attaining my dream his has had to be put on the back burner. Well, not any more. That's right. I'm going to work full time starting next summer as a Pediatrician and he is going to go back to school.
Making that decision was one of the hardest things I had to do. I had to give up something that I have been working towards for the past 2 years, something people expect of me. However, it was so liberating. I realized that I will be perfectly happy working as a Pediatrician. Not sure if I will work in Pediatric Urgent care or maybe the ER as a Pediatrician but either one will be fun and fulfilling. Plus, it allows me to have the ability to stay with my current fertility specialist, Dr. Winzek who I love. It also will allow us to have the money to adopt if that is what we decide to do.
It has been fun to dream! When people ask us when we will buy a house we have been saying after fellowship. We were saying "after fellowship" regarding a great deal of things that we want to do. I am ready to be done with training, ready to live life. We have started looking at houses, looking at possibly taking a nice vacation next year, buying Jonathan a new car, being able to start paying off my student loans. It was hard at first to wrap my mind around not going to fellowship. Like I said, I had been preparing for it for so long. I was actually about to start the application process next month. When I would think of my schedule for the fall I was still thinking, well, I will be on interviews, but that's not true anymore and I love it! I am so excited for what God has in store for us!
On the fertility front.... We are on cycle 2 of the current dose of Clomid. The first cycle of this dose did what it was supposed too, I just didn't get pregnant. I have no reason to believe that this cycle won't work but I will know for sure next week at my appointment. I'm sure I'll have to give myself a shot again, oh well, it will all be worth it when we finally have a baby.
Until!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Another One Come and Gone
Another Mother's Day has come and gone. I love my mom! She is fabulous! I just wish that I could celebrate Mother's Day as a mom. It seems that every day I hear about people I grew up with having babies. I can't wait to be a mom. I am about to start another round of meds this month to make me ovulate, hopefully I'll get pregnant.
Jonathan and I talked the other day and it was kinda cool....I had been thinking about the options we have to become parents. I have been praying about this and researching our options. On Friday an idea came into my head and I talked to God about it. My idea was to give our infertility treatments a few more monthsl and if we had no pregnancy we could start the adoption process. We went on a date that night and Jonathan started a conversation talking about when I would be willing to consider adoption. I really think that God is working on our hearts to accept a little one into our lives soon, be it from my room or from someone elses, either way they will be chosen by God.
Now the question is how do you adopt? How do we go about chosing an agency? Do we chose a child wiht disabilities? Do we chose to wait for a newborn? If we say we are ok with disabilities, how far are we willing to go? How old of a child are we willing to take? These are my thoughts. I want a baby, one no older than about 14-15 months, but I would prefer one under about 9 months. I want a child with a normal mental capacity, one that can interact and grow. I would love to have a child with no disabilities but I know that we would be able to provide a wonderful home to a child with dissabilities. I don't want to ask Jonathan to accept a child that is going to be harder to care for because they have dissabilities. I don't know. We will be continuing to pray about it.
until.
Jonathan and I talked the other day and it was kinda cool....I had been thinking about the options we have to become parents. I have been praying about this and researching our options. On Friday an idea came into my head and I talked to God about it. My idea was to give our infertility treatments a few more monthsl and if we had no pregnancy we could start the adoption process. We went on a date that night and Jonathan started a conversation talking about when I would be willing to consider adoption. I really think that God is working on our hearts to accept a little one into our lives soon, be it from my room or from someone elses, either way they will be chosen by God.
Now the question is how do you adopt? How do we go about chosing an agency? Do we chose a child wiht disabilities? Do we chose to wait for a newborn? If we say we are ok with disabilities, how far are we willing to go? How old of a child are we willing to take? These are my thoughts. I want a baby, one no older than about 14-15 months, but I would prefer one under about 9 months. I want a child with a normal mental capacity, one that can interact and grow. I would love to have a child with no disabilities but I know that we would be able to provide a wonderful home to a child with dissabilities. I don't want to ask Jonathan to accept a child that is going to be harder to care for because they have dissabilities. I don't know. We will be continuing to pray about it.
until.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Journey
The infertility journey that is. We have been trying to have a baby since Nov. 2008. I learned in Nov 2009 that I have PCOS. PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome) is a disorder where your ovary has lots of cysts (or follicles) but each month you don't make the right hormones in the right amounts to cause you to develop a follicle into an egg and then cause it to release, meaning getting pregnant doesn't happen to often. I have been taking Clomid (a hormone that causes follicles to make eggs) since Jan of this year and the first 3 rounds were unsuccseful. I am now at the max dose of clomid and the last round an egg was developed and released after giving myself a shot (yuck). However, as well all know, people don't always get pregnant the first time. We are taking the month of May off and will be trying again in June.
That's all the facts, but it's not just about facts. It's more about feelings or emotions. I long to have a baby. My arms ache to hold a little one. To wake up at 2am for feedings, to watch them smile for the first time, sit up, roll over, crawl, walk, get into stuff. To see my wonderful husband fall head over heals in love with our child. I walk down the street, go to the mall, go to work and see babies everywhere. It kills me to see people who have children but aren't taking care of them, aren't parenting, or don't seem to love their gifts from God. On the flip side, it's wonderful to see people who treasure their children as the gifts that they are.
Do you know how bad it hurts to see your friends having babies and you are still aching to hold your own? Friends that you grew up with dreaming about having children together. Some of them having their 2nd or 3rd children already and I don't have one. I know that sounds terrible and I am truly happy for them to have children but I want to be where they are. Most days I don't think about it, but then it hits me and I can't help but cry. We are considering adoption and I think that if in a few months the meds don't work we will start working more diligently towards adoption. I really want a baby, not a toddler or preschool aged child. I want a child that I can watch grow from the beginning, who doesn't remember being neglected or abused. Maybe when we are experienced parents we can adopt an older child but I don't think we are ready for that and I'm just not ready to give up my dream of having an infant.
Off to work I must go.
Until
That's all the facts, but it's not just about facts. It's more about feelings or emotions. I long to have a baby. My arms ache to hold a little one. To wake up at 2am for feedings, to watch them smile for the first time, sit up, roll over, crawl, walk, get into stuff. To see my wonderful husband fall head over heals in love with our child. I walk down the street, go to the mall, go to work and see babies everywhere. It kills me to see people who have children but aren't taking care of them, aren't parenting, or don't seem to love their gifts from God. On the flip side, it's wonderful to see people who treasure their children as the gifts that they are.
Do you know how bad it hurts to see your friends having babies and you are still aching to hold your own? Friends that you grew up with dreaming about having children together. Some of them having their 2nd or 3rd children already and I don't have one. I know that sounds terrible and I am truly happy for them to have children but I want to be where they are. Most days I don't think about it, but then it hits me and I can't help but cry. We are considering adoption and I think that if in a few months the meds don't work we will start working more diligently towards adoption. I really want a baby, not a toddler or preschool aged child. I want a child that I can watch grow from the beginning, who doesn't remember being neglected or abused. Maybe when we are experienced parents we can adopt an older child but I don't think we are ready for that and I'm just not ready to give up my dream of having an infant.
Off to work I must go.
Until
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