Wednesday, July 20, 2011
"I Couldn't Do It..."
As foster parents we often hear people tell us we have big hearts, we are special, or they say "I wouldn't be able to let them leave". People are always saying that it would break their hearts to have the kids leave after they have gotten attached. It does break our hearts. We miss all of our kids and talk about all the ones we have had in the last 7 months often. Each child brought something different to our home. I don't know that we have any bigger hearts than other people or that we are any more special than someone else. We are doing what God has called us to do by taking care of orphans. As Jonathan and I were talking the other day about this very topic the answer to people's statements of "I couldn't let them leave, it would break my heart" came to me. Next time I think I will say "It does break our heart each and every time the children leave our home because we love them. However, all of the sadness of them leaving is made up for by all of the joy they bring us while they are here and watching them change in front of our eyes." We have had 4 different placements so far. All 4 have been for different reasons. Parents in prison to drugs to domestic abuse to neglect. Neglect is actually a huge part of all of those. Children raised in homes of abuse often times suffer the type of abuse and also neglect. It is so rewarding to watch a child go from being scared of being left or being scared of sleeping because of things that have happened in their sleep to climbing into their own beds at night singing Jesus Loves Me. Watching a child who only said 2 words when they got to our home to saying more than 50 in less than 3 months because we talk to them, encourage them and love on them. All of these things make up for the sadness and are the reason that when A and D leave we will welcome more kids into our home. I think that the foster parents that don't get sad when their kids leave shouldn't be foster parents anymore. These children need people to love them unconditionally and wholeheartedly regardless of the pain that we as foster parents know it's going to bring us. That's what we vow to give our foster kids, wholehearted, unconditional love. Foster care isn't about giving children a temporary place to live. It's about giving them a home where they feel safe, loved, cherished, secure, and a sense of belonging to a family. I love being a foster mom, even in the hard times, and for now we will continue to open our doors and our hearts to little kids who need us.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Struggles
This post may not be all up beat and happy. This blog is for us to share our journey through infertility, foster care and eventually adoption, and all of those things have times of heartache. Unfortunately, sometimes the heartache all happens together.
D and A came to our home on April 28th. They have been with us longer than any of our other foster children. We have been waiting for CPS to tell us if one of their grandmothers would be approved to have them live with her. It's taken over 6 weeks for her home study to be approved, which personally I think is ridiculous. Everyone involved with these children are waiting for answers, including the children. D keeps asking if grandma has passed her test, well, yesterday we finally told her that grandma did pass her test and that before school starts they will be leaving. Before they can go live with their grandmother they have to have weekend visits first so that A can get to know her because he hasn't seen her since he was an infant, even though she only lives 30 minutes from his house. The situation is really odd but hopefully it's what is best for the kids. I know that D is happy to be going so that helps. Waiting a few more weeks for them to leave when we know they are leaving soon is going to be emotionally hard. We've had 3 other sets of foster kids so far and all of them we have been called and told they were leaving the same day of the phone call. It's hard to get all there stuff together that quickly and say good bye but it's not drawn out over a few weeks. Either way it's hard to say goodbye to them. It's amazing how fast you fall in love with these kids and we will miss D and A dearly.
Infertility brings a totally different type of heartbreak and until you have experienced it I don't think you can truly understand. Most women want to have their own biological child. If you are one of those women who wants to have your own child and you can't, your heart breaks. It doesn't just break once, it breaks almost monthly when that test is negative. It's so hard not to get your hopes up that maybe this month it worked. Maybe this month will be different. I have been ovulating without medications since last fall, which is wonderful, yet we still haven't gotten pregnant. Later this month I will have to have a specialized test to see if my uterus and fallopian tubes are all normal and seem to be working. I think that we may be quickly approaching the end of our infertility journey because we aren't willing to do IVF. That means we have IUI left, which I've heard is really stressful on the husband and wife. Not that all of this hasn't been stressful on both of us already. We will wait and see what happens this month.
Adoption. Our eventual goal no matter if we have our own children or not. We will still adopt a child, or 2 or 3. Adoption is something that we have been called by God to do. Just like Foster care is. He calls us to care for the orphans, and that is what we are doing. Right now I think that he wants us to pursue infertility and adoption/foster care at the same time. If at one point he tells us to stop the infertility work then we will. Here's the problem with adoption.... It's REALLY expensive. I'm talking, could buy a very nice new car expensive. Adoption through foster care can be free, if the children meet certain criteria. Here's the other problem with adoption.....it takes a REALLY long time. This is regardless of if it's through foster care, private, international. Sometimes it takes YEARS to get your child. I guess after trying to have our own baby for 3 years it should be no big deal, but my maternal clock is ticking and getting louder. Jonathan and I are discussing infant adoption through an agency on top of continuing foster to adopt. I really want a newborn. I know that that may seem crazy. I want to be woken up every 2 hours to that sweet infant. I want to watch them grow and develop from the time they are born until they are adults, I don't want to miss out on part of their life. I don't mind adopting a little older kids too, I just want to experience at least once, having an infant.
D and A have been a joy to have in our house the last 10 weeks and we wouldn't trade our time with them for anything. I've loved watching them thrive in a family environment. Watching A learn to talk and come out of his shell. He is such a happy little boy. He is always smiling and ready to play. He is all boy and wants to wrestle and shoot things and throw balls. D is such a sweet young girl. She is girly and wants to curl her hair, paint her nails and wear dresses. I don't understand girly very much, cause that's not me at all, but it's fun watching her and playing with her. She loves her brother so much and it's fun to watch their relationship develop to that of a sister and brother instead of her trying to be the mom all the time. We love them dearly and will miss them so much when they leave.
~until~
D and A came to our home on April 28th. They have been with us longer than any of our other foster children. We have been waiting for CPS to tell us if one of their grandmothers would be approved to have them live with her. It's taken over 6 weeks for her home study to be approved, which personally I think is ridiculous. Everyone involved with these children are waiting for answers, including the children. D keeps asking if grandma has passed her test, well, yesterday we finally told her that grandma did pass her test and that before school starts they will be leaving. Before they can go live with their grandmother they have to have weekend visits first so that A can get to know her because he hasn't seen her since he was an infant, even though she only lives 30 minutes from his house. The situation is really odd but hopefully it's what is best for the kids. I know that D is happy to be going so that helps. Waiting a few more weeks for them to leave when we know they are leaving soon is going to be emotionally hard. We've had 3 other sets of foster kids so far and all of them we have been called and told they were leaving the same day of the phone call. It's hard to get all there stuff together that quickly and say good bye but it's not drawn out over a few weeks. Either way it's hard to say goodbye to them. It's amazing how fast you fall in love with these kids and we will miss D and A dearly.
Infertility brings a totally different type of heartbreak and until you have experienced it I don't think you can truly understand. Most women want to have their own biological child. If you are one of those women who wants to have your own child and you can't, your heart breaks. It doesn't just break once, it breaks almost monthly when that test is negative. It's so hard not to get your hopes up that maybe this month it worked. Maybe this month will be different. I have been ovulating without medications since last fall, which is wonderful, yet we still haven't gotten pregnant. Later this month I will have to have a specialized test to see if my uterus and fallopian tubes are all normal and seem to be working. I think that we may be quickly approaching the end of our infertility journey because we aren't willing to do IVF. That means we have IUI left, which I've heard is really stressful on the husband and wife. Not that all of this hasn't been stressful on both of us already. We will wait and see what happens this month.
Adoption. Our eventual goal no matter if we have our own children or not. We will still adopt a child, or 2 or 3. Adoption is something that we have been called by God to do. Just like Foster care is. He calls us to care for the orphans, and that is what we are doing. Right now I think that he wants us to pursue infertility and adoption/foster care at the same time. If at one point he tells us to stop the infertility work then we will. Here's the problem with adoption.... It's REALLY expensive. I'm talking, could buy a very nice new car expensive. Adoption through foster care can be free, if the children meet certain criteria. Here's the other problem with adoption.....it takes a REALLY long time. This is regardless of if it's through foster care, private, international. Sometimes it takes YEARS to get your child. I guess after trying to have our own baby for 3 years it should be no big deal, but my maternal clock is ticking and getting louder. Jonathan and I are discussing infant adoption through an agency on top of continuing foster to adopt. I really want a newborn. I know that that may seem crazy. I want to be woken up every 2 hours to that sweet infant. I want to watch them grow and develop from the time they are born until they are adults, I don't want to miss out on part of their life. I don't mind adopting a little older kids too, I just want to experience at least once, having an infant.
D and A have been a joy to have in our house the last 10 weeks and we wouldn't trade our time with them for anything. I've loved watching them thrive in a family environment. Watching A learn to talk and come out of his shell. He is such a happy little boy. He is always smiling and ready to play. He is all boy and wants to wrestle and shoot things and throw balls. D is such a sweet young girl. She is girly and wants to curl her hair, paint her nails and wear dresses. I don't understand girly very much, cause that's not me at all, but it's fun watching her and playing with her. She loves her brother so much and it's fun to watch their relationship develop to that of a sister and brother instead of her trying to be the mom all the time. We love them dearly and will miss them so much when they leave.
~until~
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Graduation...Vacation...Moving...New Job...
Our life is crazy hectic right now and I love it. Residency graduation was last Friday. My parents, grandmother, and mother-in-law came to my graduation banquet along with Jonathan, D and A of course. We were all dressed up and I loved having my family there to celebrate the completion of the last 3 years.
My little "family" Jonathan, Me, D, A, and Andrea (the little girl Jonathan watches)
Me and my MeMaw
My Parents and I.
My Mother-in-law, Me, Jonathan
One of my best friends: Allie and Me
My last day of residency is this Friday. We leave for vacation on Sunday. My parents are going to watch D and A while we are gone. I can't wait to go on vacation with the love of my life and enjoy time together. We are headed to Seattle, Vancouver and Victoria. We have baseball tickets to watch the Mariner's play, one more stadium to add to my collection for my goal to go to all major league stadiums to watch a game.
We will be gone on vacation for 8 days. The day after we get back from vacation (which we will arrive home at like 10pm) we have to finish packing and paint at the new house. The next day we move. The next few days will include unpacking and getting things settled. We also have to have home and fire inspections at the new house before we move in for our foster care stuff.
I start my new job as a pediatric hospitalist on July 5th. This means I really need to be done moving in and unpacking before my job starts.
D and A are doing well. D is half-way done with summer school and hopefully by the end she will test on the next level and be able to go to the next grade in the fall. A is learning to talk and it's so fun to watch him learn and grow.
Like I said, our lives are crazy busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
~until~
My last day of residency is this Friday. We leave for vacation on Sunday. My parents are going to watch D and A while we are gone. I can't wait to go on vacation with the love of my life and enjoy time together. We are headed to Seattle, Vancouver and Victoria. We have baseball tickets to watch the Mariner's play, one more stadium to add to my collection for my goal to go to all major league stadiums to watch a game.
We will be gone on vacation for 8 days. The day after we get back from vacation (which we will arrive home at like 10pm) we have to finish packing and paint at the new house. The next day we move. The next few days will include unpacking and getting things settled. We also have to have home and fire inspections at the new house before we move in for our foster care stuff.
I start my new job as a pediatric hospitalist on July 5th. This means I really need to be done moving in and unpacking before my job starts.
D and A are doing well. D is half-way done with summer school and hopefully by the end she will test on the next level and be able to go to the next grade in the fall. A is learning to talk and it's so fun to watch him learn and grow.
Like I said, our lives are crazy busy, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
~until~
Friday, June 3, 2011
5 Years!
I can't believe that 5 years ago today we were getting married. The last 5 years have totally flown by. I'm so glad that God chose Jonathan to be my husband. He has been the most amazing husband a girl could ask for. I don't think that I can even begin to describe all of the wonderful things he does for me and our family. Over the last 5 years we have been married and even the 2 years before that he has supported me through some of the most difficult things I have ever done. First medical school where I studied a lot and was always stressed out, him working long hours to support us. Then the last 3 years of residency where I have worked on average 80 hours per week every week. The last 2 years he has been a stay at home husband/dad/nanny and he as been a huge blessing to me. I always knew he would make an amazing daddy, and I was right. When we got our first foster kids and every set since, he is so good with them and shows them what a Godly husband and father should be. I can't imagine my life without him and can't wait to spend the rest of it with him.
On to our foster kids. D and A had court on Wednesday. They will be going to live with their grandmother as soon as she has an approved home study. If it isn't before June 22, then that is our next court date. However, we don't have to wait for the court date for them to be able to go to grandma. I'm glad they aren't being split up and that they have the opportunity to go to grandma's. I kind of want them to stay to the end of the month so that D can finish summer school and be ready for next year but I know that it's good for them to be with family and that she will go back to first grade in the fall instead of second grade if she isn't living with us. They are doing wonderfully and are a joy to be around. I've loved having them here with us and we will miss them when they are gone.
Residency graduation ceremony is next weekend. I can't believe that it is already here. Then Jonathan and I are going to Seattle on vacation! I can't wait to take a vacation with him and get to celebrate the end of the past 7 years of hard work.
~until~
On to our foster kids. D and A had court on Wednesday. They will be going to live with their grandmother as soon as she has an approved home study. If it isn't before June 22, then that is our next court date. However, we don't have to wait for the court date for them to be able to go to grandma. I'm glad they aren't being split up and that they have the opportunity to go to grandma's. I kind of want them to stay to the end of the month so that D can finish summer school and be ready for next year but I know that it's good for them to be with family and that she will go back to first grade in the fall instead of second grade if she isn't living with us. They are doing wonderfully and are a joy to be around. I've loved having them here with us and we will miss them when they are gone.
Residency graduation ceremony is next weekend. I can't believe that it is already here. Then Jonathan and I are going to Seattle on vacation! I can't wait to take a vacation with him and get to celebrate the end of the past 7 years of hard work.
~until~
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Frustrations
Sometimes with foster care comes frustrations. Our kiddos have been with us for about 3 weeks now. Their first court date was supposed to be last Wednesday, it got moved to today because one of the dad's and the mom requested a lawyer and court can't be held without the lawyer present. Today at court one of the dad's said he wasn't happy with his lawyer and therefore requests a new one, which caused court to be moved to 2 weeks from now. This is getting ridiculous. These kids need answers. They deserve timeliness. We did find out that a grandma is trying to get a homestudy done as well as some family members of D's dad's. If they put her with those family members her and A would be split up which I personally think is a very bad idea. She doesn't know life without her baby brother and he doesn't know life without his big sister. They would be heartbroken and it wouldn't be a healthy situation. Our job as foster parents is to take care of them and love them until they can be returned to family. But our job is to also advocate for them and I just think it would be wrong to split them up. Their lives have already been turned upside down once, why make it worse? I know that the judge doesn't want a kid in foster care if they don't have to be, and I agree, but if it means splitting siblings up I think it's better for them to stay together. They need stability.
Ok, off my soapbox now. Court is now June 1, hopefully it will actually happen this time.
~until~
Ok, off my soapbox now. Court is now June 1, hopefully it will actually happen this time.
~until~
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The End of a Month, A New Set of Kids
Well, my crazy month on the hospital service is over. Tomorrow I begin an elective rotation with much better hours. I also now only have 60 days left of residency! The thought of being a Pediatric Hospitalist is both exciting and terrifying at the same time.
We got two new kids Thirsday night. We went basically a month between placements this time. D turned 7 two days before coming to our house. A turns 2 next week. D told us she was supposed to have a party on Saturday so we made a cake together, let her open a few presents and took her to the lake to play. All in all I think it was a good birthday and she had fun.
Today we went to church and to the pool for a little while. A cold front started coming trough and the temperature dropped really fast, making getting out of the pool quite chilly.
We are enjoying getting to know these two little ones that God had brought into our lives.
~until~
We got two new kids Thirsday night. We went basically a month between placements this time. D turned 7 two days before coming to our house. A turns 2 next week. D told us she was supposed to have a party on Saturday so we made a cake together, let her open a few presents and took her to the lake to play. All in all I think it was a good birthday and she had fun.
Today we went to church and to the pool for a little while. A cold front started coming trough and the temperature dropped really fast, making getting out of the pool quite chilly.
We are enjoying getting to know these two little ones that God had brought into our lives.
~until~
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sobering Perspective
Sobering perspective is what my job has given me lately. I'm a pediatric resident and I'm used to taking care of really sick little kids. This week I learned that maybe we are a little too used to it. Usually kids come in with a variety of illnesses, we do what we have been trained to do, and they get better and go home, happy and healthy once again. However, we have had multiple small children pass away in the past few weeks from freak illnesses that ran rampant through their little bodies and nothing we could do would stop it. It's sobering to know that a previously perfectly healthy kid could show up to the hospital and have passed away not even 12 hours later. It just goes to show that God is in charge and we just happen to be his workers. This also makes you have a different perspective on life. Life can change in the blink of an eye, so what am I doing to make my life count? What am I doing to show that there is a God and that His plan is so much better than my own? Makes you think, huh?
My friends at work think I'm crazy. Maybe I am a little crazy. I work on average 80 hours per week. Jonathan and I are foster parents. I have a dream to start an organization to help teen moms. I'm about to embark on my first "real" job in a few short months. We are still going through infertility treatments. I've been thinking of adopting a child with special needs from another country. Maybe all of this makes me crazy. I'm ok with being a little crazy. I believe I'm just doing what God wants me to do. Once again, it kind of turns back to perspective. I believe that the reason I am on this earth is to help people. I have been given talents and gifts that not a lot of other people have in the grand scheme of things. I have been put in a position of authority and prestige simply because of my occupation and I believe that I should use it to help impact the world. One of my friends says that I fly by the seat of my pants. It's sort of true. I've learned to just go with things, do what I think needs to be done, and figure some things out as I go. I'm glad that my friend appreciates me for who I am. These last few weeks have really made me appreciate my friends, husband, and family. You never know when something can change.
We still don't have any foster children. It's been almost 3 weeks and I miss having little ones around. I know God has the perfect kids out there waiting for us and for the right time for them to come into our lives. Until then I will enjoy the time I get to spend alone with Jonathan.
~until~
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